Wwyd

[Sickofkidsprogrammes]

Me & other half have been together 8 years have 3 DC's 6 &under. My problem and his, I suppose, that he is unintrested in us. He'll happily play in the garden with the kids, but when it comes to days out... he might as well flatly refuse! They can be a little boisterous i suppose, but theyre all ages 6 and under, they are kids & will learn from experience of being out, although rarely get the chance! Yesterday I suggested he take them all out for a couple of hours so I could give the house a well over due deep clean, he had a few too many the night before and so suffered a hangover and didn't take them out, so they all played in the garden eventually. It's not the first time it has happened. I've asked if he is daunted by the idea of taking them out alone, as I can appreciate it can be, I am I know depending on the destination, but he assures me he is not, BUT then it is always me, quite often alone that takes them out. He is lazy around the house, he'll wash the pots but rarely does much else. The care of the kids is left up to me, arranging childcare around the holdicays etc as is the care of the house. I work 3 days as well as everything else a parent has to do and feel quite alone, even in the house he is often playing videos games whilst I feed and entertain the kids. Sex is none existent as I no longer feel attracted to the selfish twat! I feel sure he knows what he's doing but am at a loss as to what to do! I've spoken to him about it, but he carries on! Should I LTB?

Is this a recent change? Did he want 3 DC close together?
I can understand your frustration, but am not sure how you make him engage more.

Oh god! The thought fills me with dread! I don't mean to wish ill of myself, but I often wonder how he'd manage if anything happened to me. He quite obviously resents me if I'm ever poorly, so it's not because he can't

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Its a question that I often ask because I cannot see what the point of him being there actually is.

He washes pots (the very barest of bare minimums) and probably does that only under duress and silent protest as well. He is not a good example of a father to show his children. Of course he knows what he is doing; this is all deliberate on his part to get out of being an adult doing boring adult things.

You have three children already; you do not need a 4th one in the shape of this manchild. He is selfish and self absorbed and such men do not change. He wants to be a combination of Disney Dad and live the life of a single man. You've tried talking to him and that did not work; time to give him his marching orders.

Do you ever get any time for you? I think that would be the first thing to establish. Getting out of the house sounds easier. Even if it's sitting in the car somewhere in the countryside. Alone.

He doesn't get it, does he, that parenting and running a house aren't optional depending how you feel. My ex was like that, always agreed to change when I got really upset, but never did (even with joint counseling to try to understand why he just wouldn't do his share). We split, and he mostly did the minimum with his kids on visits too (I had to intervene because the youngest was being sent out to play most of the day when she was there, and was getting bullied by some big kids...).
I wish I had something more encouraging to say OP, but almost every detail is the same - I think you need to check there are no physical probs he hasnt mentioned, then read him the riot act.

To be honest he's been like this on and off all the time we've been together, it has more recently got worse. All the kids are wanted & discussed before we came off contraception. He's not going to change now is he? I know what I've got to do, thanks everyone for your input

I think you need to start forcing him to sink or swim. He'll never gain the confidence with them and take responsibility on his own if he's never put in the situation to. We only have one so far (one more on the way), but my husband has regularly been the main parent when I've needed to be away for various reasons. At 16 months, I was away for 2 weeks for work. I also work late 2-3 days a week meaning on those days, he does everything from getting up in the morning until I get home (which is after dinner and while our dd is in the bath). It's not unusual for him to have her on his own for the weekend regularly as both of us need to work occasional weekends away, and he fairs as well as I do. But it's because it's always been that way and I don't swoop in to rescue him in those situations. I make plans and he has to work it out. There's also no lying in in our house. We're both up and doing things as a family, no matter who had too much to drink the night before and it's always been that way (the exception being maybe if one of us has a serious illness, like the flu or a vomiting bug). I think maybe it sounds like you've been letting him get away with these things being normal and it isn't. I'd book yourself a weekend away and let him work out how to manage without you. Given enough opportunities like that, he'll gain the confidence to do it more and maybe also see what hard work it is and not be so lazy.

Need to grow a back bone don't I? Yeah I totally agree though, I need to stop being so available. Also the kids are so dependant on me, they rarely ask him to do anything for them, it's a lot of pressure. I haven't been giving myself time lately because of the school holidays but I fully intend on doing so! I don't want to leave him, but he does need a good kick up the arse!