Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, no matter what you sacrifice, no matter how hard you work at things you always end up feeling like it's never enough?
I have a son who's over 18, and since he was a babe I have loved him but given him boundaries, he's had everything he needed and more, but it was never enough. He had my time and attention, I've taught him to be independent, he works hard and is helpful to others but when it comes to me he's rude, verbally abusive, blames me for his problems, tells lies to others about me. He worked himself to burn out at school and suffered from depression. He had 2 friends with mental health issues and their relationships were destructive, they indulged each other's unhealthy ideas and compounded their own and each other issues rather than helped. Over the last 18mths my younger children have been witness to his abusive behaviour and its affecting the household, I'm tired my, husband is tired, my kids never know what to expect. We have no support but hes said things specifically to me that make me feel worthless because my life has not been an easy one.
My dad was violent and my parents flit in and out of my life unless they want something, my siblings are the same, my husband has cheated on me numerous times and I feel like all my life l've been crapped on. I'm not a bad person, I'm certainly not a whiner, I get up when I've been proverbial kicked, I fix what is broken or try to and make the best out of the bad.
So what am I missing?
I don't really expect an answer I was just giving voice to what keeps going through my head.
Am I defective? Do I court it? What do I do wrong?
What is it about me that makes other treat me with such callous disregard?