Feeling hopeless about my marriage

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too big a back story but basically I'm miserable in my marriage and aside from my two dds (2 and 4 months) I wish I'd never met this man, let alone married him and gone on to have kids.

He can make me feel wonderful but mainly (and especially since children) chooses to be a total dick to me - constant criticism and undermining. He treats me like shit in front of his family and I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't have a relationship with my own family and no real friends.

I used to be a good earner - £50k, but gave it up to bring up our children. I'm currently bf our youngest and want to do this until they are 12 months. I never wanted to put dds in nursery but I'm feeling more and more like I just need to get out of this.

My old job doesn't exist as the company went under and so I'd have to start from scratch with a new employer. Because I had a shit upbringing I always wanted it to be different for my own children. I am so resentful that my marriage is failing and that I'm desperate to escape it which means breaking the family up, putting both dds in nursery and basically going against everything I wanted to do for my dds.

Everything is a battle with him. He is never satisfied with his lot and constantly drags me down with his unrealistic expectations of me and constant criticisms and comparisons to every one around us.

He's now in bad health and stress could make him very ill or worse. I now feel totally trapped because leaving him etc could cause something terrible to happen. I still love him as dds father but I can't lie, I fell out of love with him when we had dd2. I had a section and the first thing he said when I got home was that I better not expect him to do everything (this was on the day I came out of hospital and asking him to serve up a takeaway because I was in pain - having just had a section and also breastfeeding our newborn!)

I feel so trapped.and sad and heartbroken- and also full of guilt because our dds are in the middle of this crap.

I think I need to make a long term plan to leave but no idea where to start.

You can do this, you are stronger then you think.

I would start by getting a notepad and doing some research -

go to your local council, they will be able to help point you in the right direction of potential housing help.

If you don't have one - open another bank account in your name only that he isn't aware of.

Your local children's centre will be able to help with possible childcare options - even if just temporary - nursery isn't the o my option, childminders can be an amazing option.

The children's centre may also have some groups that you might be able to go along to, to help make some friends/connections for yourself.

If you have more info - you can then start making a plan you are comfortable with x

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Try not to focus on the guilt of the marriage not working, focus on where you want to be which is happy with your daughters and safe.

Much love x

you will give them a better life living apart.
organize yourself and make a future for yourself and the little ones.
being beaten down emotionally all the time isn't right and not what you want your little ones to experience either.

Oh op. I'm so sorry.

Please see gp to get on antidepressants if you can. It's v likely you've developed pnd as a result of this shitty treatment. Once youve been screened and hopefully have some meds you may find you have more strength to deal with this situation. And you must deal with it.

Fuck him and his shitty treatment of you. Yes to wanting better for dds - you will give them a better life. On your own. Earning for yourself. You can do this.

I completely identify with your feelings re wanting a family life for dds. I walked out of a marriage in great pain because I was mourning the family life I'd wanted.

But you know what, our life now (me and DC) is more of a family life than it EVER was with dh. We are deliriously happy these days. Truly. The amount of energy freed up because we no longer have to tiptoe around daddy... It's incredible.

Please op get those ducks lined up. Or just start lining them up. You can do this. x

Thanks all. I sat up all night quietly in tears - beside my youngest daughter who cosleeps and my husband. This is no life. I'm not depressed as in pnd, I am depressed by being in this situation. I feel so trapped as I'm not working and have no childcare options and no family or friend support

You can do this. You may feel right now it's impossible but it really isn't.

Nursery can have an amazing impact on children, I work full time and had 9 months off with dc2 then went back to work, he's 5 now and I really feel it has helped him be confident in meeting new people and he tends to settle easily in new situations such as when he started school.

The life your living with your husband is not the life you want, your miserable and you need to ask him to leave or make plans to move out with the kids. I'd start looking for work then once you have a job secured you may feel stronger and more confident to end things with him.

Many of us have been where you are and made it work despite the same doubts you have. You can do this. You need to get researching as others have suggested. Your children will be fine in care etc. I had to go back when mine was 4 months old because of an abuse situation. She is 8 years old now and lovely, happy and confident as a consequence of socialising and having a really happy mum.

As a single parent I can honestly tell you my life is so much easier this way than in the situation I was in with my dd's dad.

OP you're me in almost every respect. I'm going to come back tomorrow but - all is not lost. You can leave AND be ok x