Husband says we are separated...what do I do?

[Glago2017]

I'm new to this so don't really know what I'm doing, it is a long one.

Basically my husband says we are separated/taking a break from our relationship as he has not been happy for a while. I am 6 months pregnant with his child and have just signed for a house that we move into in the next few weeks. He says me and the baby are his number 1 priority. One minute he says he still loves me the next he's changed his mind. He says he still finds me attractive.
We haven't been having sex, it's my fault as I was very apprehensive doing it while pregnant. The one time we did do it he said I made him feel unloved, horrible and unwanted( I apologised) with the way I acted and now doesn't want to touch me or me to touch him as he is scared of hurting me. Doesn't see me sexually atm.
The thing is he is texting/seeing a girl who he says he likes. She is 12years younger than him. He says he needs/wants sex which he isn't getting from me. I think he is with her just now.
My head is all over the place. Will these feelings develop? Will he get bored of her?
He says he still wants to get the house and bring the baby up together as a family and maybe the baby will reconnect us and we can work on our relationship.
Do I continue and hope that once the baby is here we can work on things or do I leave and be a single parent( he will be involved) this terrifies me.
We have now got a mortgage and signed for the house so don't know what would happen with this as neither of us can afford it on our own.
My head is saying one thing and my heart is saying another.

I would actually go through with the purchase, then start divorce proceedings- you won't have to pay for it all yourself- your divorce settlement should make sure he provides for you and the baby x

Ok, I work in conveyancing. You may have signed your contract and transfer etc, but contracts may not have yet been exchanged. It is only legally binding when contracts have been exchanged (majority of these are done over the telephone by the buyers and sellers solicitors) before contracts are exchanged, your solicitor should have called you on the day an exchange was taking place to get your authority to exchange. After an exchange has taken place, your solicitor would call you again telling you that contracts have exchanged with completion fixed for xxxxxz.

So if exchange has not happened, you are perfectly within your rights to pull out. Ok, you may have to pay for an abortive fee on any searches that have been carried out, but if this is how your partner is behaving, don't commit yourself to a huge thing as buying a house.

He sounds like a dick. Don't wait for him.

He's an absolute shitbag. That's not going to change. I'd definitely tell him where to go but I can see how this can be hard to do in your circs. The Ben&Jerry thread had a woman in Scotland pregnant and buying a house with a cheating partner, there might be some helpful advice there. I don't think you'll respect yourself if you put up with this though, no matter how scary going it alone is.

This cunt thinks he has you over a barrel. You are pregnant and committed to buying a house with him, so he thinks he can fuck around because you can do nothing about it. Please prove him wrong. He doesn't love you if he's doing this.

Get legal advice on the house. If you can't get out of the purchase, you still have options - you can resell or its possible your lender may allow you to let the property if you explain your circumstances. You are in a vulnerable position right now. Can you stay with your parents?

And you cannot believe this piece of shit when he tells you that you and the baby are his top priority. He is placing the needs of his cock higher than both. He is despicable.

What a horrible, horrible man.
Get legal advice and get out as soon as you can.
Whatever happens and however scared you feel, it will be a hundred times worse if you stay with this man.

My ex was entitled, your H takes entitled to a whole new level.
Take care.

I am speechless

1. that someone is cruel enough to do this to you

2. that you are not bone crushingly raging about it and seem almost resigned to letting him fuck about while you keep house

If you let him do this op pregnant or not I guarantee you that this will be the first in an endless line of 'other women' next it will be "you give the baby all my attention" or " it felt like we'd gone from dh/ dw to friends" and endless other shit! I know this situation when pregnant must be a million times harder but I agree with anyfucker I'm miffed you arent raging!

@Glago2017

I hope you're okay and have been reading the responses.

Please don't let your H (definitely not DH), think it's okay to treat you like this.

I get the feeling you're a very easy going person, almost to a fault, for him to have the barefaced cheek to do this.

He's taking advantage of you and he knows it. Time to show him you aren't the doormat of a wife he seems to think you are.

I hope you have family/friends to confide in who can also support you.

Being pregnant and doesn't mean you'll tolerate his infidelity.

Take care of yourself.

So there is this thing that a man can use when, for whatever reason, his wife can't satisfy him. Almost all men have one. You partner probably has one. It's called a hand. He should learn to use it instead of whoring around.

Hi everyone, here is an update for you.

Things are not good. On Wednesday night my husband said we are definately separating and he has moved into his parents house. Things came to a head last weekend. He was out on a works night out but when he came home he was extremely down. Turns out he had an altercation with someone ( to do with his brothers ex wife) and got punched.
He suffers from depression and had stopped taking his medication (I wasn't aware) when he came home he was saying things like I just don't wanna be here anymore, I want to kill myself, I should go and find a nice boy, he's horrible etc. I was so worried about him I actually slept on cushions on the floor in case he done something stupid. On Sunday I heard him on the phone to his brothers apologising for trying to phone them at ridiculous o'clock. When I went through to the room he was sitting crying. This is only the second time I have seen him cry in the 10 years we have been together.
On Sunday night he seemed a bit better and said we are together, deleted his Facebook, deleted the girls number etc and we would try and make things work. (He took double his medication that day) I said we would draw a line under everything, have a fresh start and see how things were. I was getting cuddles and kisses and hugs to sleep etc.
on Wednesday he phoned me twice at work to do with the new house (turns out we haven't signed so could still pull out) he was saying he was having doubts it was to expensive, he didn't think we could afford it when I was on maternity leave and he was having doubts. I said if he didn't feel comfortable we could pull out and look for another house.
Wednesday night came and he sat down and said things aren't working, he's not been happy for a while and he was going to go down to his mums and live there.
On Thursday morning he had an appointment at the doctors who signed him off sick for 3 weeks, doubled his medication and prescribed him new tablets. He said he is nuts, stressed out about everything and that he is broken. I am trying to give him space but also want him to know that I am here and thinking of him. I'm heartbroken and don't really know what to do. He says he wants to be fully involved in our child's life and will be there every step of the way.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, just trying to get everything off my chest and maybe get some people opinions on the matter. I know depression varies for every person and just need to take it one day at a time but it's so hard. All I want to do is give him a great it cuddle.

At least he is getting help. My only advice is that you have to look after yourself and your baby and you are not responsible for him. You can be supportive as long as he is being reasonable but I repeat, you are not responsible for another grown adult, only for yourself and any DC you might have. Make plans for that. You are not his carer, he is his carer. I've had experience of this, do not get dragged down by him. Put yourself first. You cannot support anyone unless you are in a position of great strength yourself. You are pregnant and will have a newborn shortly and you need to put that first. One depressed, worn out, emotionally exhausted, unstable parent is quite enough, your child doesn't need two.

He is the lowest of the low and your child deserves better (before it takes after him as a role model.)

Good men do not do this. There are good men in the world and you picked a revolting one. You're supposed to be the mother of his child, not a sex doll. He can not demand sex from you and then leave you over it. It's disgusting.

Did you read the many, many wise posts people took the time to share with you? You haven't acknowledged them. I have sympathy for you but can see that your bar of what you'll accept from people who supposedly love you is very low. Take some power back and don't be walked over. Your forgiveness was shockingly quick, although I understand it's harder when you're pregnant.

Pull out the house, neither of you are in the right frame of mind to take on a mortgage.

Step back take some time to see how 'you' feel about this all.

If you haven't signed the missives, it's not too late (if you're meaning the Scottish system).

He sounds all over the place; it's just messing with your head. I don't think the enormity of what he's doing has hit you yet.

Run for the hills.

Oh you poor thing OP. Your head must be all over the place.

I replied before, but I've changed my opinion a bit. He doesn't sound well, he sounds on the verge of a breakdown. My mum had one decades ago, and was truly not herself for a while until they got it stable.

The first, most urgent, thing you should do is get out of buying the house if it's at all possible. Then get your own position safe, make sure you're somewhere you can afford. Your health, at this point, is important too and you don't need this stress. Surround yourself with friends and family that you can lean on. You need them.

Perhaps write him a letter and send it to his mum's (address it to both of them so she sees it too, and put that you're thinking of him and worried about him, but you're staying away, as asked, and concentrating on yourself and the baby. It will be there if he gets himself better and more stable mentally. However if he does he MUST do a heck of a lot to show he appreciates what he's put you through and knows he's got a lot of making up to do. I'd stay seperate for a while. If he can continuously show he wants to be with you and is not interested in anyone else (and do this for a good few months) then I'd think about giving him another chance.

Whatever is wrong with him, this is not someone you want around a baby.

Did you pull out of the house?

Wow what a mess. Bad time to buy a house pull out. Too much going on in your relationship to tie yourselves into a mortgage together

Don't let him drag you back in op. He's not a good man. When someone shows you who they are believe them.
He wants his cake and eat it too. That's not how it works. He thinks he can be with two women at once, he wants the family life with you and to fuck her on the side. This is not okay and tbh not behaviour you want to show your child is okay? Leave him. It's for the best. Your child will be happier with you as a single parent.
Show him you don't think this is okay. All you're doing rn is telling him he can do whatever and you'll let him.

So he's not happy/depressed etc, fair enough.

So what's all the 'shagging other women' about? You can be 'separated' getting your head straight, depressed etc, WITHOUT falling into another woman's vagina.

He may be depressed but I think he's also feeding you a line. Get him out and give him space. Lots of space. Like a lifetime.