Online dating (any dating) and infertility

[Belindaboom]

So do you put it on the profile that you don't want kids even if you do? Do you say you want kids and not mention it? When do you tell someone?

Total minefield. Any thoughts?

The daily mail is a load of shite.

I've never online dated however, a big fuck off lie like that, is hardly a sound foundation for a potential relationship. Just be honest.

I'm not proposing lying. It's generally multiple choice but life is more complicated than that. I want kids, but it's not that simple.

It's not the kind of thing you bring up on a first date either.

Ic there is a box, I'd just write how you feel about it - so write that you want them (that's your view, isn't it?).

I think that fertility issues could be something to address early on in the relationship so that you're fair to your new partner but it's not something to disclose online or on the first date.

Im sort of lost as to what your saying, should you be honest to any prospective partner always yes. However should talk of kids be left till you have got to know the person? I would think if single I would run like hell from anyone who was talking about future plans on the first couple of times you see them. Now the mail yes thats mostly a bag of shite.

Oh the mail comment was because I don't want this to end up as one of their crappy articles.

My question is how do you be honest without unintentionally misleading. I want children, I probably can't without intervention. Do I say "wants kids" on the profile when asked or do I say "doesn't want kids" because I probably can't.

It's not something I'd discuss with someone until I knew them well enough and we were looking at a relationship. But it's hardly light conversation.

What site is it on? I always but 'undecided' or 'would rather not say', I don't want kids but I don't know if I would change my mind if I found someone I really loved that wanted a child. I quite often date people who don't have children and it usually comes up in conversation on the first date.

I certainly don't think you need to disclose fertility issues in a dating form. In any case somebody might not even know whether or not they're fertile or think they are and aren't or vice versa. Just leave it blank. It seems a bit too intrusive IMHO.

i can't leave it blank - I don't want to out myself with the site as it's not a well known one.

Be honest. You want kids..

Why waste time pretending, better be honest as you can waste time and get something you don't actually want.

Are they the only 2 options?

Put on that you want kids.

Imagine it the other way around and you met someone you really liked to then find out they never wanted children and there was no possibility in future.

Also don't mention the fertility thing on it. You're not infertile you just may possibly need intervention, equally you may not.
(Our No1&2 needed intervention after years of trying, no3 however appeared on her own! So you just never know)

Is it free text or tick box?

If it's free text I'd say something like "ideally I'd like a family one day" or similar.
Frankly if one day you're going to ask your partner to go down an ivf route they need to really want kids too, not just be agnostic.

Not free text - There's a few options ranging from "definitely not" to "hundreds".

Thanks gaggle - intervention probably means donor eggs in my case though. It's one of those things that I'll find out if I'm ever in a position to try.

Nicnak, I'm not sure what you mean. I think it's quite clear I don't want to mislead anyone which is why I'm asking the question.

I thin you have to say wants kids and be honest when it comes up (I'm assuming from the sub text you're infertile) forgive me if I'm wrong?

If you do want kids, then say so. Even if you might need donor eggs, if you'd actually want to carry the children and have them, then that's a 'yes'. Your partner could still have a biological link to the child so they wouldn't feel like they couldn't pass on their genes or something.

I'm wondering if you're possibly overthinking it a bit since you're not even sure if you'd need donor eggs or not...

Belindaboom, as you want children, just tell the truth.

Is the website coparents.co.uk ?

Also, any unsure, tell you later etc might cause you to match up with the wrong men. Eg I was sure I wanted a big family so wouldn't have even gone on a date with 'unsures'. Similarly, DH wanted a large family so he promptly quizzed me on my views on our first date. (Ironically, both of us turned out to have infertility problems so not sure that it will happen :D).

No ghanchi, it's not. I don't have kids - I just like mumsnet!

I've had cancer, that's a whole different conversation too (I'm in my late 20s so it's not straight forward either) which is why I won't know till I try. No idea when that one is meant to come up either!

Did you decide? And get a date?