I'm going to try to keep this as short as I possibly can so I apologise if I end up drip feeding, I am also going to very slightly change a few details so as not to be recognised in RL.
Recently I have been diagnosed with PTSD, on top of my previously diagnosed severe anxiety disorder (including social anxiety), depression and OCD. All beginning in childhood and stemming from an menatally, emotinally, verbally and occasionally physically abusive childhood at the hands of my NPD mother and enabling father.
I am under the care of the local mental health crisis team with a community care coordinator. I am on an anti psychotic (Quetiapine) mainly due to the fact that out of the seemingly endless amounts of anti depressants I have tried non have worked and the majority have made me feel so much worse.
I have been NC with my mother for almost 4 years, something which I do not regret, however with this came the realisation that I would no longer have any contact with my father also. My father is my mothers enabler, this has been the hardest part of the whole going NC. I have one younger sister who is the golden child and has essentially turned into my mother. I haven't spoken with her in over 5 years, this just happened, it wasn't an actual choice like going NC with my mother was.
Last year I had a breakdown and I am slowly but surely recovering from this with the love, help and support from my DH, my In laws and my very good friends.
I had a phone call from my uncle last week, phone calls make me very anxious and can and do trigger severe panic attacks. My DH was home and I had been feeling good so I was able to answer the call. He lets me know that my cousin will be visiting locally(from Scotland) and would like all of the family (Including my parents, my sister all of our children etc) to get together for a meal. My uncle knows that I am NC with my parents and sister so I'm not sure what he thought he would gain by asking us to join the get together. I told him that we would not be attending, but that I hope they all have a good time.
My uncle said that my cousin would probably pop in or call me, this I am struggling with. My cousin is very out spoken and opinionated and absolutely doesn't understand my reasoning as to why I have gone NC. I would love to meet up with her and her partner and the kids, it has been over 3 years since I saw her last. However I just know that she will go on and on and on and on about 'making up' with my parents. I don't want to hear it, if I was to ask her to stop she will likely kick off. I am very conflict averse and wont cope well at all. I have spoken with DH about how I am feeling over it all and he suggested that we just don't meet up, and as sad as that would be, I felt almost immediately better at the thought of not meeting them. So my mind is made up in that respect.
My problem is that I know she will just turn up at my house out of the blue and I know that I won't be able to turn her away if I am home without DH. I have toyed with the idea of not answering the door, however it will be obvious that we are in as the dog will bark etc. I have also toyed with the idea of just escaping by the back garden and waiting for them to go but realise this is utterly crazy!
Thank you if you have made it this far.
My question is how do I cope with her, how do I get around it? I cant do the 'grey rock' method as my mind just goes blank. I also don't want to just sit and let her go on and on with her rhetoric about what she thinks I should do.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? if so, how did you deal with it? What was the outcome?
TIA