Don't see a future with my partner

[Disconaps]

I'm so unhappy in my relationship and don't know what to do.
We have a toddler and I would say things have been worse since we had our baby.

He talks down to me sometimes, and patronises me. He can be so nasty to me- especially during the night if our toddler wakes. -He has a big obsession with 'getting enough sleep' and always becomes a misery when his sleep has been disrupted. When it got really bad, he had a violent outburst where he almost struck me but still maintains he 'would never hurt me'.

Day to day- I can't remember the last time we laughed together. We don't have much in the way of conversation. I'm the sort of person that sees the funny side of everything and I love to laugh, but he's so serious.
I used to be quick-witted and would make people laugh, but I feel like being with my partner has dulled me down.

We argue so much and it upsets me that our toddler has to experience this.

I feel like I'm so stupid for having not realised this before, but as time goes on and we're getting older, we are having conversations about getting married, having another child and moving house. This is terrifying as I just don't see a future with him and I'm so scared of getting deeper in with him.

I'm so nervous about telling him how I feel as I know he will fly off the handle. Is there a gentle way of telling him I don't want to be with him anymore?

I said to him the other day that our interactions havnt been the same recently and he didn't like it at all. He thinks we are perfectly fine and have no issues.

I was thinking of saying that he should stay with his parents for a while whilst he works on how he talks to me, but this is going to mean that his parents will get involved and it will become a big drama.
Also I don't think there's anything that he can do to improve the siuiation as I just think he's not the right person for me. I miss the old me. I need laughter and fun in my life. I'm scared of growing old with him and regretting staying with him when there could have been a happier life somewhere for me.
This is keeping me awake at night. I don't know what to do.

It sounds like you're emotionally checking out of this relationship. I don't blame you, it sounds like he doesn't treat you right and this dismissive way he treats you will gradually wear you down until the love has gone. This was how I felt with my ex, like all the easy going, fun side of me was being stifled away. He went away with work and that amplified how I felt. I left. It was hard, really hard but so so worth it. I spent 18 months on my own mainly. Reconnected with friends and family (he never liked any of them), had holidays, joined the gym. Really really happy. Then 10 months ago met DP who has a zest for life, funny, sociable. I've never been happier. Don't waste your life being unhappy, its short. Grab it while you can

There's no way to tell him this and not have a bad reaction. But you shouldn't let fear of that stop you - this is your life and future. You know this isn't right for you and it's wrong that there's this underlying threat of his outbursts.

If I were you, I would work out what your living options will be, your finances and get support from friends and family, then tell him when you're ready. It's not drama, it's making positive life changes.

I know exactly how you feel... I could have written this.
Not sure what the answer is, I can't afford to leave, but in sure some helpful posters will be along with words of wisdom.

I think you do know what to do

It clearly isn't working with your partner and you need to separate

He has only just stopped himself from being violent and he is generally a dick. Ending the relationship gently with everyone all happy smiley won't happen.

Plan for the worst, which probably means moving out yourself with the toddler and telling him when you are safe elsewhere that it is over.

Don't marry him or have any more children with him. You can't walk on eggshells with him and him flying off the handle is a big issue.

You can't carry on like this. Could you tell him in a public place and while you're telling him how he flies off the handle to explain that's why you were pushed to talk in a public place.

You don't want your DD growing up seeing this and thinking it's normal.

Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book, Why Does He Do That? You may find it very helpful. You deserve a better life than what you have with him.