Love my husband but not sure

[Blizy]

First of all, sorry for any typos I've had a bottle of wine and using my phone.
I really don't know where to start?
I've been with my husband for 13 years married 6. We have a 2 year old and been through the horror of our daughter being stillborn. I'm not looking for replies, just a sound board.
Things have been strained since our son was born (out little rainbow baby) I just don't feel the same towards my dh as before. I love him but I'm not sure in what way. He is desperate for another baby but I'm not, I terrified of losing another and I'm so terrified of what it might do to us. I'm not sure I could cope with another fraught and anxious pregnancy.
Dh is not a bad guy, he is lovely, supportive a fab Dad but doesn't pull his weight around the house, he is""always right" and is acting more and more like fil as the days go on. I don't want to break up our family, especially after what we've been through, I'm looking for s magical fix if it exits?

Blizy I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't do or say anything rash. Do you need individual or joint counselling for bereavement? I can completely understand why you would not want to go through another pregnancy. Surely that's enough to put you off sex / give you ambivalent feelings towards DH?

You've been through a lot so its really no surprise your relationship has been affected. I'm sorry for your loss and totally understand your reluctance to have another baby.
Would you consider relationship counselling together? 2 years is a long time to be doubting your feelings for your DH.
Don't make the mistake I made and stay with him just for your son as things will only get worse and you deserve happiness. I stayed with my ex for years just for the children and now we are separated, I constantly kick myself for not doing it sooner.
I'm not saying you should be apart but its definitely worth trying counselling before you make any decision.

Thanks. He has no idea i
Feel the way i do, I guess I need to pull on my big girl pants and open up to him.
He has been my rock and I would not have managed trough the years following my dd's death without him. We now have a 2yr old whom I am primary carer for (I work part time, only 31/2 hrs a day). Just how do you break someone's heart? I can't imagine telling him how I feel, it will break him. I can't do that to him,

You are an obvious case for counselling, either on your own or together or both. You love him but there are aspects of your relationship that you aren't happy about. You have had a devastating bereavement. You don't want to break up your marriage.

Counselling isn't a magic wand and you'll have to be honest and put some emotional work in but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised about how useful and transformative it can be.

I have to say it annoys me when men want more children, but don't pull their weight around the house.

What do you think is making you feel like this? Are you no longer sexually attracted to him?

So sorry for your loss. I didn't have a second child with my dp mainly because he didn't pull his weight enough when my DC was little. He has bucked up his ideas now and we are still together. You need time to grieve for your loss. In your own time and own way without the pressure of trying to have another baby. Can you access some counselling via your GP I wonder?

I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your husband seriously need counseling. Both individually and couples counseling. The loss of a child is THE most traumatic and damaging tragedy anyone can experience. The divorce rate for couples who lose a child is astronomical if they don't get the help they need. I implore you to find a therapist to help you manage your grief and emotions.

Hi op,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can empathise with you on this, I can also say that traumatic events that happen like this in a marriage, can bring other issues in the relationship in too sharp focus

Loss has a habit of focusing our attention, especially on our own lives and how others treat us.

💐

Thanks everyone, my loss isn't recent, 6 years have passed. My son is 2, it took us 5 1/2 years of ttc, I was about to start fertility treatment when i found out I was pregnant. I don't know if I can through the heartache of my period showing again month after month, then there is the issue of pregnancy and the fear that comes along with that.
My dh is a good man, a bit thoughtless at times but he is good. I wouldn't have got through the devastation without him.
How do I tell him I'm not happy with our marriage? I don't want to hurt him, he doesn't deserve it.

It's never easy to say something like this - I've just had to do it (in different circumstances) and it's so hard to find the right words.

Could you start by saying how much you appreciate all his emotional support but that you are struggling with some aspects of the marriage? Maybe discussing it/having counselling will help.

I definitely think you need to sort out the issue with him not helping much around the house, though - you (rightly) feeling resentful is obviously making things more difficult.

He also doesn't deserve to be living a lie. How would you feel if you found out your DH was doubting his feeling for you, but was putting on a front? No-one wants to hurt someone else, especially after what you've been through but he deserves to be with someone who truly loves him, as do you.
I spend a long time suffering in silence before I told my ex. I won't lie, its was a horrible time and he was not happy about it. Although he reacted with anger and nastiness so it just confirmed I'd done the right thing.

Should have said he needs to sort it out, not you!

isitjustme I know I need to tell him,
I'll need to find the right time, when ds isn't around. I'll ask mil to have him overnight when she can and plan from there. Really, really dreading it.

I know, I've been through exactly the same thing. I spent months with my stomach in knots. Once you've done it you will feel a weight lifted though. Things will obviously still be tough but that initial relief of finally getting it out does help.