Weekend Widow

[ChocolateDinosaur]

So DH supposedly works every other weekend but for the last 7 weeks he's only had one at home with DD(3) and I. It's his dream job and he's worked hard to get there, but I'm starting to resent that fact that there are no real 'benefits' to a lack of quality time.
It's really starting to get me down- I don't really have any local friends and would be reluctant to tag along with other people's family time anyway. Not helped by the fact that I'm now 14 weeks pregnant and starting to wonder what I've got myself into. Any tips from other weekend work widows?? Feel like I'm being a crap mum to DD and struggling with her threenagerness on my own.
If I tell DH I'm lonely he just gets all defensive about having to work (although some of his weekends have been voluntary with time off for him midweek instead).

I'm not trying to be professionally offended but that term is a bit off OP. There are many actual widows that come to this site for support and imagine this could be quite upsetting. My view may be coloured from reading a particularly sad thread today.

However of course it's understandable you want to spend quality time with your DH. Also sounds like you are a bit lonely/bored in general. Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling?

If he's volunteering to work weekends and then getting time to himself during the week I don't think that's on at all. If you are still at home then I suppose it's just transferring the days when you'd get support?

Oh god I don't mean to offend- will try and change title or just delete

No I work essentially full time so no difference to my support

Definitely not trying to be a dick OP and have heard that term before golf widow etc so know it wasn't meant in any bad way, I'd just literally read a sad thread though with a poster who war really struggling.

If you are working full time and don't get the benefit of him having time off in the week and he's doing that voluntarily I really don't think that's on.

I'm pregnant myself right now (not for long!) and some weekends just need my dh to do the childcare to have a rest so think he's being pretty selfish. If it was mandatory I'd have sympathy. Anything else going on in terms of how well you are getting in etc? Do you manage to get quality time in the evenings?

Golf widow etc is a perfectly acceptable term, I wouldn't worry about the title, OP.

Have you spoken to your DH? I mean, why is he working 3/4weekends? Does he need to or is it to make a good impression?

I too am on my own at weekends with 2 children. It's ok at the moment as I'm on mat leave so see him during the week but sometimes weekends can be so lonely and when I go back to work we will only have 1 in 3 weekends all together as a family. I try to have an activity planned for each weekend. We've got a zoo pass so use that regularly and make a day of it (pack a picnic etc). The other day is spent with a trip the park and some activities at home. I try to stay upbeat about it for my kids sake but there are times when I just want to cry and eat biscuits. Could you sign up your daughter to a weekend class/club which would also take up a bit of time. I find if we've been out and kept busy it goes quicker.

Fgs. Don't change the title OP. No matter what you have as it there'll be someone somewhere offended. Get a grip people, its a title of a thread, if you're really offended by it you need to chill out more

I have family members who are disabled. I don't get offended when I hear 'offensive' disabled jokes.

I don't have much advice I'm afraid OP. Can't you talk to him? I get his job is important to him but so should his family.

Presumably your daughter is at childcare in the week so when your husband has time off in the week he has time to himself??

This all seems unfair and not very family orientated. How much do you think he really has to work these extra weekends?

I have family members who are disabled. I don't get offended when I hear 'offensive' disabled jokes

Aren't you a fucking delight

I gave the OP my opinion in a non confrontational way which she took with good grace unlike others, which is fine because I couldn't give a shit.

When I was a single mum I'd plan days out for the weekend. I think you need to work on your mum network. Do you go to any playgroups or anything?
Lots of mums are on their own with kids at the weekend for whatever reason - some are single parents, some DHs work or go to the football.
It's always good to have people you can meet up with, with the kids, and have a coffee while the LOs play.
We lived at the soft play centre some summers.

Can't work out how to change it anyway!
His work is fairly unique and some very good opportunities have come up recently, but now that he has been available some of the more mundane crap is sneaking back in. His boss is a bit of an arse in terms of expectations and quite old school - if he ever takes time off to look after DD it's very much 'can't your wife do it'.
I know I need to plan more stuff but completely lack organisation and imagination. Playgroups haven't happened because I'm at work all week, but hoping when baby2 is born I will get more of a network.
Yes- he does get time to himself midweek. We have discussed how I'm feeling but like I say he gets defensive in a 'I can't help that I have to work' kind of way. I did know this when I married him but the idea and the reality are very different, especially when kids arrive.

Don't change the title OP. No matter what you have as it there'll be someone somewhere offended. Get a grip people, its a title of a thread, if you're really offended by it you need to chill out more

Wow.

I have family members who are disabled. I don't get offended when I hear 'offensive' disabled jokes.

I am disabled. I do.

HTH