Bank holidays are hard as a single mum when dad buggered off

[alembec]

When the sun's out. When it seems every other family are enjoying family time. When all your unmarried friends are partying in Spain or couple weekending in the country. When your arse of an ex only sees his son for 6 hours on one morning, and drops him off looking tanned from his week holiday (with his OW no doubt), and dressed up as though he's off on a date.

I'm just about holding it all together in the last year, but just found out I didn't get a job (though much senior to my current). Just started potty training and cleaning up poo and pee all the time. And just about to start legal separation which may well cost in the 10s of thousands and ex is not engaging and using his significantly higher economic power to make things difficult.

I just want to cry. And I don't even think I've got it too bad as I have a good job, a nice home, and a wonderful little boy.

What can I do to distract myself when I'm feeling exhausted and no one is around?

Thanks mumsnet.

Hi OP. It's not easy is iy, particularly with little ones. My DC are 18 and 16 now and do their own thing, but I still feel a bit lonely in bank holidays as all my friends are doing stuff with their families.

It does get easier though I think when they reach primary school age as they can be quite good company and you can go off and do stuff together.

Try and keep as busy and get out and about if you can x

Oh love, this is truly the hardest phase of dc...

It does get easier, it really does.

I can't make it any lesss of a drudge, but when your little one is less little it won't be as hard.

You can't control what your ex does or doesn't do, but your dc will see what's what. They'll know it's you who makes it work.

Does your ex pay what he should?

It is hard. My DP is away but I was a single parent when DS was little. I almost just put out an 'invite me to a barbecue, please' SOS on Facebook. But my pride won. Have you got a garden? I've just done a bit of gardening and it's really cheered me up. Might have a cheeky glass of wine. Mine is older too which does make it easier.

I know OP that is the hard phase. Mine is 8 now and it does get much easier when they hit about 4. Can you get out to the park? Garden? I always liked the garden centre at that age.

Are there any gingerbread or other single parents groups near you?

My ex is also an utter arse, no contact, no money and lives 6000 miles away now (personally Mars would be too close )

It does get easier love. Make the best of the quiet time when they sleep, nice bath, movie xxx

What can I do to distract myself when I'm feeling exhausted and no one is around?

Does your DS go to bed at a reasonable time? Get him off to bed early, have a nice hot bath and listen to music/read a book/watch a movie or whatever helps you relax. It's not much help now but honestly it really does get easier when they're a bit older. I don't have it bad compared to some either but running a house single handedly, parenting alone and working is exhausting regardless of circumstances. Evenings after mine are in bed are the only time I can truly relax. I never ever do chores once kids are in bed as I need that time to myself like I need oxygen, even if it's just an hour (Downside of kids getting older, they're up later!).

Doesn't help you at the moment, but it's true, the children do 'get it'.

My ex does the Disney Dad stuff whilst criticising those who do the same. He is full of grand gestures and says one thing to me and then another to the children, whilst denying what he said to me in the first place...

Mine are 18 and 11. They said to me the other day, "mum, do you not think we see through him? Do you not think we get it?"

You just have to do your nest to believe thathe is the one who is missing out on that beautiful little boy. It doesn't matter how many holidays he goes on or how tanmed he is or how many dates there are.

I've been where you are, so I get it. But you are the hero and your child will know it x

I'm afraid at that age, it can just be a matter of getting through the day but it gets much easier as they get older.

Dig out the paddling pool, grab an ice cream and chill in your back garden. It's rubbish and crap at the moment for you but your the lucky one spending time and making memories with you LO. You just feel overwhelmed you need an hour or two to relax.

Thanks so much ladies. I'm really touched. I was feeling so sorry for myself just now, and so resentful of the ex. I had a quiet tear, whatsapped lots of RL friends and set up play dates for the next few weekends, and now am out and feeling happier (other than clearing up another wee in the public library!)

I will remember your kind words and your experience that things get easier.

In answer to a question, ex pays but basically makes me beg for it (e.g. Anything extra and I have to write a long email explaining why my son needs the money for whatever it is). Hence the need to go the legal route. He might not in future pay any more but at least I won't have to justify why his son needs a roof over his head and childcare...

You take whatever route with him that makes your life easier and that you get what you need for your son.

You are doing an amazing job.

Well done for organising some weekend activities and in the meantime be kind to yourself. We have a hard job and sometimes we deserve to just chill and eat cheesecake