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Original poster

Emotional abuse or a joke?

54 replies

Willowtree1979 · 26/08/2017 11:52

My boyfriend of just under a year said yesterday, after he offered me a sweet and i took two! "You greedy bitch".. jokingly.. i wasnt happy and he said "its just a joke! Its just a turn of phrase"...

The important thing is he did this once before about a month ago and i had a big go at him, he eventually agreed not to say again but has yesterday.

Also yesterday he said later when i.was still in a mood "what is it about that phrase u dont like... the 'B' word or "greedy"? What a stupid question?! I dont like it full stop.. why do.we need to analyse it???

Btw Ive put on a bit of weight..from a size 12 to a 14 and I have said lately i wanna lose weight.. hes never called me fat etc but i know im a good 2 stone over weight. In past ive made it clear i never want to hear weight comments or jokes so "greedy bitch" maybe wouldnt have annoyed me.so.much if i was a size ten?? I dont know.. its still not a nice phrase.. but i dont think he was.saying it as a way of calling mr fat its just his crap sense humour. He.said the exact same thing..also over sweets 3 months ago when i was slimmer.. it really offended me!! I made it clear i dont like that phrase.

Also later that day we were messin round and he jokingly said "oooh you little b..." he didnt finish the sentence.... so he calls me the bitch word in other contexts too but always jokingly

Does ur partner ever jokingly.call you a bitch? Am i too sensitive??

OP posts:
user1497997754 · 26/08/2017 22:10

I would just finish relationship and look elsewhere....let him call someone else bad stuff .....they will get rid of him to no doubt

butterfly56 · 26/08/2017 22:20

He is arrogant, tight fisted and manipulative. You deserve much better than him.

expatinscotland · 26/08/2017 22:28

What butterfly said. Please tell me you didn't front him 50% of his fucking shopping bill. PLEASE get rid! When people show you who they are, listen to them! He'll tell you it's just banter, he wants to be appreciated, he doesn't want to be used for money, etc etc etc. It's like talking to a brick wall. So don't! 'I've come to a point in this relationship where I feel it's not for me, so I'm ending it now. All the best to you in the future.' And don't engage!

EasyToEatTiger · 27/08/2017 00:05

None of us are size 8 models! Believe me, I have drawn a lot of models.
It really annoys me when people tell me I'm so slim. Most other women my age don't have a rubber boob after a mastectomy, and don't need drugs to keep their colon from rejecting itself. If you are healthy, that is what is important. You are worth more than this! So much more.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 27/08/2017 00:33

I think people who trot out the 'only joking' line whenever they say something unpleasant or difficult and it's challenged are impossible to deal with. You can't have any form of constructive discussion with them.

He knows you don't like being called names but he does it anyway. This is bullying as far as I'm concerned. He's showing no respect for you. Please leave.

emilybrontescorset · 27/08/2017 06:36

He thinks you are lucky because he cooked one meal!
Then he expects the you to pay half of his shopping g bill, get rid.

BusterGonad · 27/08/2017 07:26

He sounds like a sexist stingy twat tbh. He's the type that if you ever had a baby would still expect you to pay half the bills even though you're off work bringing up HIS child! Ditch him before it's too late!

JackietheBackie · 27/08/2017 07:37

I wouldn't like it either. The tightness is also a big turn off. Can you imagine if you started a family with him. At the time when you are feeling most tired and vulnerable, there he will be with his top bantz and calculator, making sure he is still top dog. he would need to be amazing at both housework and sex to make up for both those negatives and even then i'd be thinking twice.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/08/2017 07:43

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?
He is as tight as a gnats bottom (his comments re money as well are a red flag) and verbally mean to you with it.

You can do far better for yourself here by raising your own bar in relationships a lot higher. Why do I also think this individual targeted you as well?.

Time to give this person the boot as of now OP; this is your life going forward with him if you do not tell him this is over.

Blodplod · 27/08/2017 07:52

He sounds like a complete twat to be honest....

OliviaStabler · 27/08/2017 07:54

He sounds tight and nasty. Run for the hills!

n0ne · 27/08/2017 08:19

This man has zero respect for you. He sounds awful.

0ccamsRazor · 27/08/2017 08:23

Why are you with him Op?

He clearly is a disrespectful arsehole and he will erode your self-esteem.

Loopytiles · 27/08/2017 08:30

He sounds sexist and self absorbed: run for the hills!

Are you really 2 stone overweight? On BMI? Seems more likely that you're heavier than you were but within or just above the top of the BMI range?

Loopytiles · 27/08/2017 08:30

Even if you do have weight to lose, the first and most important weight to lose seems to be him!

Original poster
Willowtree1979 · 27/08/2017 08:31

Ok in response to the food bill..its a bit more complicated.. we bought thibgs like bacon for breakfast, bread, dinner for that night plus gin n tonic. I had suggested a previois night id buy us gin n tonic soon as we both drink it and he made a comment how his gin was getting used up quick.

Anyway in supermarket i picked up the nice 2 dine in for ten pounds and i said oh i will get this for us in the week. He then said oh ok great anything else u wanna get? And i snapped well what else do u want me to get?? He said bacon? And moved v
Bacon and a lemon!!! To my basket.. i was insulted as i knew id only have 2 rashes of bacon!! I was getting the 10 meal deal so he could have just paid for the bacon etc.

He is tight with money.. his brother gave us a really nice meal out voucher in posh london restaurant and we added sides etc and came to £30.. he made me split it! Was HIS brothers gift.. if my family id have just paid it

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 08:35

I'm not sure I'd be screaming "abuse", but he doesn't sound very nice! As others have said, penny pinching is a hugely unattractive trait (in men or women) and he sounds a bit crass, both because of the "bitch" comment and others he has made more generally.

olderandnowiser · 27/08/2017 08:45

He sounds horrible, TBH. Why don't you start the 'banter' with him? e.g. 'oi, tightarse' and 'ooh you're a mean old git aren't you?' see how he likes it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/08/2017 09:05

Willowtree

Your last post is making him simply sound worse and worse. Is this really what you want in your life going forward as well?.

Why are you with him?. I'm asking a direct question here. Are you afraid of being on your own or are you hoping that he is going to change someday?. Fear of the unknown and hope are two factors amongst many why people stay in relationships that have long since past their sell by date.

Original poster
Willowtree1979 · 27/08/2017 09:06

Hmm thanks for the comments and advice. re him looking for a domestic servant!.. he used to joke when i was round his house (impecably tidy clean ocd house) .. he'd say "youre in training".. i hated that "joke".. hes finally stopped saying that thank god.. was a joke but....

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/08/2017 09:08

No that was not a joke either re the "you're in training" comment. He meant every word. He is still training you now to be subservient to him.

JK1773 · 27/08/2017 09:14

He's tight. This will not ever get better. My ex was exactly this. In fact looking back he was mean in every aspect of his life. My ex used to walk away with the shopping when it was all scanned so that I would pay, he offered to take me for meals out only when he had a voucher etc. It progressed to him refusing to pay his half of the mortgage the first month after we bought our house because he was 'skint' leaving me in a massive overdraft and later finding out he had thousands in the bank. He literally hoarded money all the time. Mean, tight knobhead. It's a very unattractive quality and I'd be rethinking this relationship OP.

chestylarue52 · 27/08/2017 09:16

TBH this whole thread just reminded me of this

m.youtube.com/watch?v=f1wveGujCrI

expatinscotland · 27/08/2017 10:03

Willow, he's so in love with himself he doesn't want or need love from anyone else. He think he's so great, it's an honour just to be with him, hence, you're 'lucky', 'you're in training', 'greedy bitch', you were using up 'his' gin that you bought. He throws you scraps from bacon you bought.

He will never see this truth about himself or change. EVER. This is who he is, he's perfectly happy alone in his pristine tower counting his gold.

This is all easily resolved with a text. 'Things haven't been working for me in this relationship. I've discovered I'm not at all happy. I want, need and deserve something different. So it's time we split and moved on. This is goodbye. xWillow'. The end. If you point out he's a tight-fisted dickhead he'll never see it. Leave him to his tower and gold.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2017 10:11

And he's not joking. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's grinding you down. Dump. He comes back with anything, 'Was this about the 'greedy bitch' comment? Told you it was just a joke.' 'You know it wasn't, and I'm done discussing it with you. You know I don't like being called that, you don't care. Well, I no longer do, either. We're finished.' and you move on.