So lonely - don't know how to snap out it

[Justsad000]

I'm sitting here in tears. H is divorcing me, I still miss our life so much. No family close by. No dc. He is playing happy family with ow and her kid. I feel so lonely I don't know where to turn. All of my friends are married/with partners/have children. I've asked around whether anyone is free but none have replied. Suppose they are all doing bank holiday weekend stuff. I was trying to plan something nice for myself for tomorrow but everywhere I can think of will be full with families. I get so jealous and miserable, and I hate myself for it. So I'm staying in. I'm ok at work and have hobbies, but all in all I hate my new life which has been forced upon me. I'm trying to do lots of self care things but nothing works. I feel flat and empty and just sad. It's been almost a year now but I still cry regularly and well up frequently.

I want to be better. I hate what I've become and I think my friend get fed up too. When will the tears stop? How can I snap out of it? Please, any tips?

Happiness is as much about perspective than situations. I am assuming that you're healthy, able to enjoy exercise and going to new groups and can make future plans to meet friends when they're free.

Therefore your problem is more about your perspective that the person you had planned a life with has left you and you miss him and the dream of what could have been. Grief happens when LTR end, even bad ones. At the moment my DCs are with my exH and his gf (was OW), my fairly new bf has made plans and I'm not sure about things. I still want what I had worked for originally, one stable happy family. This won't happen. I can choose to spend time thinking about it but after 18 mth single I'm going to think instead about how I want to use the time selfishly. After MN I will watch what I want, go where I want to.

Try being selfish about what you want as an individual before getting into another LTR it isn't really being selfish btw!

I feel your pain ex with ow 23 years younger u feel like lost past and future .Friends all busy and it is very lonely. He left 4 years ago it is better but still hard.You will be ok try to keep busy treat yourself and do your best not to think about them very very hard and long weekend like you will not see anyone these men destroy lives and move on without a care hopefully they will reap what they sow thinking of you

Thank you. I can definitely see where you are coming from. I am finding it very hard at the moment to become unstuck in my thinking and unless I work very hard my thoughts are negative. It's exhausting.

I can definitely relate to this OP. I spilt up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. It was a bad relationship (have posted about it on here) but I do sadly still miss him. I miss having someone to talk to, someone to moan to and someone just to tell things to. Have no advice for you but sending

Box sets are good too or gardening anything my problem was always thought they having lovely time while im alone they probably not a relationship built on lies and betrayal. Just get through the weekend the best way u can block him out I have wasted so much time thinking and missing someone who does not deserve it and a waste of time the pain in my chest finally gone yours will too not first thing i think of you cry becaused you loved him take care

Have you tried any of the meetup groups? I did join one myself when I went through this stage of feeling low and lonely but never actually made it to a meeting.
What about some counselling for yourself too? It can help to talk things through with someone to held you get a different perspective on things.
Having supportive friends does help so if you're not getting this from your own its time to find some new ones.

Some really good advice here from pp so I'm only chiming in to say find a distraction:
Bake
Go to the gym
Go for a walk
Go to the cinema
Gardening
DIY - decorate your bedroom that could easily take up the rest of the weekend.
Or watch a good boxset on Netflix - I recommend House of Cards, Grace and Frankie or Gypsy.

It will get better with time

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It does take time to heal and I agree talking with a counsellor could be really beneficial.
It will get better x

Hope u feeling ok today its going to be a nice day try and get out and see friends even if u have to force yourself

Sending 💐to you. Wanted to say that I've tried meeting up with friends over the summer and it's been almost impossible due to various holidays and their childcare/work but it might be worth you texting them to say that you are struggling and need to talk. They probably don't know how bad you are feeling.

My ex and I had plans for today, instead he left me and ds on Monday so is coming to pick up his stuff instead! I feel a little lost at the moment, I thought my future was all set instead I have become a single mum to an 8 month old baby (who I love with all my heart!) I can't help but still think about what could have been. He has been very blunt with his messages and has hurt me so much!

I'm in the same position op. XH is in Barcelona for the long weekend with ow and her dc, and I'm here alone. It is very hard not to be bitter. Short term you need a compelling box set and a quick trip to the supermarket for nice food and a bottle of wine. Have a lie in, a bath, order something nice online.

Long term you need some single friends who are in a similar position, there are loads of us out there. You could try Meet Up, a new hobby or just noticing who is single at work. When xh left I didn't have any single friends but now I have a handful of really good ones.

It gets better with time, perspective and maybe some counselling (didn't help me but lots on here swear by it).

Thanks everyone. Feeling quite wobbly today. Tried meet up before but there aren't very many groups (I live a little rurally in Devon). No singles at work except for three girls in their early 20s who just go drinking. It's a very 'married with two kids' environment. I've tried counselling but didn't find it very helpful to be honest, I know a lot of people do.

I will have a leisurely breakfast and will take myself off for a walk by the river later.

My ex h had an affair 2 years ago with a much younger women, we were together 17 years married for 10. With two young children. It was horrendous. It takes time and you have to be kind to yourself. Just wanted to say 2 years on I am now divorced, in a job I love after being a stay at home mum for a few years, I have my own place and great friends. I have two young children who see their dad every other weekend and it works well. You won't think it now but you will be okay I promise and may even be happier xxxx

Hope you are okxx