How do you know that an apology and promise to change is genuine?

[purplerain38]

Hello. DP and i have been having issues for sometime now. He gets very angry very easy and every day becomes a problem.Some days i honestly think that he is trying to cause a problem although he claims that he can not do with the arguments. He has said some terrible things that by anyone's standards he shouldn't have. Then its my fault because "he is like that only with me and i make him be this way" or because "he is just honest ". He will swear and brake up with me (for about 10 minutes, while he is screaming and swearing) because "he has enough", over the most ridiculous of reasons . I am tired of listening how bad i am and how awful this relationship is. I told him plenty of times that if its that bad then he can walk but he never does because "he loves me".
Today he apologized for his anger and over something that happened yesterday. I am not sure if this is genuine because his moods and opinions can rapidly change. How do i know if he means it? I am tired

It's really unlikely he will change. After all there are no consequences to what he does to you. He has no reason to change. Saying that he will seems to be enough iyswim.

Can you not end things yourself? This is no way to live...

You can only know from their subsequent behaviour but if they keep apologising and saying they'll change then not its likely they can't even if they want to.
Maybe he needs some professional help with whatever is causing him to become so angry but you need to put yourself first.

Let me save you some time here...

He won't change, no matter how many times he apologises.
If he wanted to change, he would already have done. He hasn't.
He will continue to get angry and angrier, because he can.
He will continue to say terrible things about you, though he shouldn't.
He will swear and scream at you, because he thinks you are "bad".
He will break up with you, as he "had enough"..
He will apologise & refuse to go, because he knows he pushed too far.

Because he wants to hurt you.
Because he is your abuser.

You have written about him before.

He won't leave you readily because he will then have to put the work in to find another woman to abuse. You were targeted by this individual and deliberately so; he sensed your own insecurities and has leapt on these to their fullest extent.

He has a problem with anger; your anger when you call him out on his unreasonable behaviours. Men like this one really do hate women, all of them starting in particular with their own mother.

You're going to have to be the one to do the leaving here because he will destroy you completely and from the inside out otherwise. The nice/nasty cycle of abuse he shows you is a continuous one. Womens Aid are well worth contacting on 0808 2000 247.

No. He doesn't mean it.

Actions speak louder than words and all that.

He's not going to change