Husbands about to go to rehab

[dogletsrock]

My husband is about to go into rehab for alcoholism. He has been slowly spiralling downwards for about 18 months since his DM became ill. She died almost a year ago. His work has been really stressful as well. However he has been drinking in work and is now suspended, the company is very good and has told him to go to rehab or loose his job. He really wants to get better. I am so scared today. What if it doesn't work. I don't want to loose him, but he has been so hard to live with. I am exhausted.

His going into rehab will give you a much needed break. I so feel for you and what you're going through. Is it just you and your husband, or do you have children, may I ask?

If there is any time that calls for an ultimatum, this is it. Tell him you love him, and you want him to get better, but if he starts drinking again after rehab the marriage is over. The choice is his. He can either commit to sobriety or he goes it alone.

It's great that he's going.

Is it inpatient? For how long? Does he want to be sober?

Even if you're not a fan of AA, and I admit it's not for everybody, you might want to go to an Al-Anon meeting - those are for family/friends of people with an addiction.

Also, if you give an ultimatum, you need to be prepared to follow through with it.

Just got home. It was slightly traumatic leaving him, but I now have a real sense of relief. For the first time in a long time I know he isn't getting drunk or falling asleep on the tube or being mugged which has happened more than once because he was drunk.

He has tried AA but it was a very Christian group and he found that really difficult. It is inpatient for 28 days

He's in the right place. Strength to you.

All you can do is support him and be there for him - he's doing the best thing he can. I know it'll be hard, but try not to express any doubt to him - he needs to know you believe in him.

Al-Alon is for family/friends of loved ones with an alcohol problem, is is a 12 step programme, similar to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). It is NOT a Christian group, it is for all religions, atheists etc. At some rehabs, they do follow the AA programme
Al-Anon can offer you invaluable support to meet others in a similar position to yourself, and you can focus on your recovery. There are meetings all over the UK

Hey op
My heart goes out to you both, my DB is in recovery only few months so I appreciate what your saying. It's a dreadful illness and doesn't help that drinking is all around us too and can be very difficult to avoid as its so socially acceptable if you get me not like say drugs.
My brother done a month the 1st time in but in retrospect he wasn't ready to hit the world again as he had very bad depression too which was supposed to be started on whilst in rehab and due to funding waiting list etc it wasn't so for him he's been in 3 times the last being the longest and he's doing really well (touches wood)
He will get there lovely he will you sound very supportive too which will do wonders as he needs support.
I know exactly what you've experienced its no joke living with alcoholism so you need to rest up too whilst he's there and look after yourself.
The first step is the hardest getting them to see there unwell and needing help then actually agreeing and wanting to give up.
So your on your way which is good.
If you have any questions or need an ear to offload to do pm me if I can help I will.
Chin up stay strong he's on the right rd now and I wish you all the best x

My husband is in rehab too. He went in on Monday. He's a cocaine addict and smokes weed. We have been separated for about a month. It's a huge relief having him there, he's clean for the first time in years, he's doing therapy all day every day. He's starting to realize the damage he's been doing. My husband also doesn't like Al/Narcotics anonymous due to the higher power stuff. He's going to go to SMART, that's non religious, could be worth a try.

Living with an addict is so hard. I've been seeing a therapist, that has really helped. His rehab had me write an impact statement as to how his drug use has effected me over the years, they read it out in group therapy and it helps break through their denial. Writing that was very cathartic for me. I'll also be attending some therapy sessions at the clinic with him. I know it's scary to think of the future of it doesn't work but you have to be positive. Rehab is no joke, it's very very tough psychologically. My husband has been crying loads and he's not someone to get emotional. He's having to face all the stuff he's spent his whole adult life running from. It's a very brave thing they're doing- yes we want to kill them for letting things get this bad but they're trying to do the right thing now. I wish you and your husband lots of luck x

It's really weird, my husband has been doing smart for months. I think it is very good once you are sober/clean as it is all about maintaining sobriety. My husbands problem was that he couldn't stay sober long enough to put what they teach into practice. I know where he is has family sessions so we will be doing them but I don't know when. He has known he is an addict for a while but has tried dealing with it by himself. Smart worked because it was anonymous and on line. It has been really hard for him to accept he needs real world help with actual people in the room with him. Does that make sense.

It's really good to know we are not the only ones, as it can be really lonely. Thank you for being so lovely and understanding xxx

rehab is great news doglet. wishing you and dh every success. its a great step that he is willing to try it.

DH has also known he had a problem for a long time but denial is a hell of a thing. One thing I will say is that yes we need to be positive and supportive but you also need to think about at what point would you be willing to walk away. Clear boundaries are so important. I've enabled my husband by letting him get away with crap for so long. We have 4 kids including 2 under 2 so going it alone was terrifying. Things got so bad recently though that a) I was doing it all on my own anyway and b) it wasn't safe to have him in the house. Once he saw that I had reached my limit and was serious about divorcing him if he didn't stop using, he finally went to see a drugs counsellor who sent him into rehab. I think the groups are mainly helpful for maintaining sobriety, you are right. Apparently they want you to go to a group a day for the first 3 months of recovery. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.