AIBU that he wants to go skiing with the lads?

[1morechance]

My partner is self-employed and I am employed by a big company so I can take more time off than him. As a result, I have been away with our now 20m daughter on a few trips without him. I would prefer us to go away together but he says he can't take time away from work. He now wants to go away skiing with the lads the winter. I wish he wanted to spend the time he takes off with us - I ski too, and also, I'll really struggle without him to get our little on dropped off and picked up from nursery on time as I work long days. I'll possibly need to take a week off to accommodate him going away.
I did suggest we have a holiday together but he says we can't afford to do both.
AIBU to be upset about this and feel sad that he doesn't want time with us? Or is it reasonable for him to go as I have been away without him in the past?

I was coming on to say let him go, but that's because I assumed his 'mates' trip was as well as a family holiday, not instead. YANBU at all. I would feel very sad if my partner made this choice.

I had a similar situation with my DP when I was on mat leave, except I'd not had a break either on my own or with my DD on holiday.

My DP had been on a 4 day stag doo abroad and was planning on going on another 3 day stag doo whilst also having being to the other side of the world twice for a week long work thing, but he said we couldn't afford to go on holiday (I know work trips aren't holidays and are paid for by work but to me it's still a break away from childcare).

I told him in no uncertain terms that unless he booked a family holiday before the second stag doo took place then he wasn't going. Anyway, he didn't and so he didn't go. We did actually get a family holiday in the end as I booked us something for his birthday but had I not booked something then we wouldn't have gone away.

I would let him know that once he was back you were going away for a few days for a break, even I you go for a bit of sun on your own, just so you get some peace and relaxation too.

My dh goes away with friends to ski but this is different. If you'd like to go skiing then say so and look for a cheap deal in January that incorporates childcare. If you can be flexible about booking Kate you would get a good deal.

If, however you don't want to ski, just spend time together,mthey I would reluctantly agree to a few days but on the condition that he does also take time off for a family holiday at an agreed point.

I wouldn't be happy about this, I'd expect him to commit 1. to a family holiday , if he can't then he can't go skiing and 2. To work out something that works with you- e.g. Arrange someone to do (paid) drop offs for some of the days so you don't use all your leave to cover his holiday , you will need it for family holiday and your solo holiday after all.

1. Agree you need time off. If he thinks your taking the toddler counts as a holiday that's great, he can take the toddler on his ski trip.

I think this is only fair if you get equal alone time. I totally get why he'd rather go skiing but, if you can't go away for a week with your friends without DC then he's being unfair.

YANBU at all - because his holiday is totally child-free time for him, whereas when you've gone away, you've also had to deal with a toddler!

You need to spell it out to him. Yes, it's great he wants to go away and it should be encouraged, but not when it means you don't get any child-free time due to his job, you miss out on a family holiday AND you need to use your annual leave to enable his jolly!

Can you all go skiing together, and put your DD in a creche for parts of it? So you both get some child-free time and a family holiday as well?

Oh so he will have other holiday? Then I say let him, we all like to have a bit of friend time.

If it was his only holiday that year it's different, but if it's just some of his holiday why is that a bad thing? We all have things we love to do outside the relationship.

My issue would be, when do you ever get time away without your DD?

I can understand him wanting a break without the family, as a toddler is hard work, but when do you get the same.

OP, I don't know enough to comment on your situation ... but will make a comment based on my experience on ski with DH and our kids.

I really like to ski, have skied since my early teens, and really enjoy difficult terrain, ski all day, etc. As a result I really enjoy when I go ski with friends who are at a similar level.

My DH does ski, and the kids too. However, I have not enjoyed the skiing holidays as much with them. They don't want to ski as much, start day later, finish earlier, etc. While it is OK family time, to be honest for me it is just not as much fun. When kids were younger there was also a lot of hassle in getting kids ready, drop off/collect, checking, etc.

DianaT "that might make him boring" . He's not twelve!

What you mean is that if he doesn't go, his mates might think he's boring.

I have no problem with individual holidays. My DH has a regular sports based holiday with his friends as well as the occasional weekend depending on the events they are participating in.

It goes both ways, I'm going on holiday with friends next month.

Neither of us for one single second would prioritise a holiday with friends over a holiday as a family.

If his leave only allows one holiday, surely he would want to spend it with his child?

He gets more than one week holiday, read the earlier posts.

Well, he gets more holiday but it sounds like he chooses not to take it... except to have child free fun with his friends while op uses HER leave to take up the slack from him.