found porn pics on the computer

[howthehelldoidealwiththis]

to cut a v.long story short, my dp has always said that he doesn't look at porn (previous partners had and lied about extent) and i have believed him; some men do, some don't. i went away for weekend and when i get back he tells me that he was curious and looked at some pictures. part of me wished he hadn't said anything but part of me was glad that he was being honest.

tonight, however, he is at work on nights so i come on mumsnet for chat (as you do ) i check the internet history files (for curiosity sake) and i now find that he has visited rather more than a few sites - try at least 10- and the pics leave very little to the imagination. however one of the sites was "findafriend" type thing and i wish that i hadn't checked the site because it also has find f* buddies locally on it.

i am sick to stomach with shock omg i feel sick it now feels like he's lied but i don't know how far it has gone if anywhere. i am still getting over pnd and have recently started trusting him again after a very shaky start. i know i should talk to him when he gets home but like the name change says how the hell do i deal with this???????????

SHinyhappypeople: you may think my advice is unhelpful, I think yours is counterproductive. While speaking hypothetically rather than maligning the OP, people who are insecure and jealous to the point of snooping on their partners may well need to sort themselves out: jealousy and insecurity can grow and grow to dangerous extremes if pandered to. If the OP's partner has given her no other reason to suspect him of decietful or malicious behaviour, then keeping open communication between the two of them is the way forward, not for one partner to make a whole series of demands on the other.
Snooping and clinging and emotional blackmail will not force a partner to stay with you: one who is inclined to have sex with other people will go ahead and do it, one who is trustworty will get tired of being spied on and disbelieved.

at home we like to watch it together, however, is so rare to find a good film or a good picture out there... we get bored quite easily.

MadameZ, who mentioned emotional blackmail, clinging and forcing anyone to stay with anyone??? I have stated clearly that COMMINICATION is indeed the way forward.. you must have missed that bit! And surfing sites which enable you to make contacts in order to f*ck strangers in your local area IS deceitful and questionable behaviour (not sure why you actually said "malicious" but then we are not at all on the same wavelength that's for sure!). I also stated that the OP's DP probably didn't intend acting upon the stuff he had been looking at but that doesn't mean HTHDIDWT has to put up with it, much less be ok with it!

Sorry for rowing on your thread HTHDIDWT.

Now maybe I just have a very strict privacy control on my computer, but I havent found in the past that you copuld accidentally go into these sites.

Its not like "Oh I clicked this link and WHOOPS there were all these people fucking", you have to make a conscious decision to enter the site.

I found DP looking at what sounds like a similar site some time ago, and he closed it really quickly when I came into the room, although not fast enough that I didnt clock the site name.

He also said hed found it by accident, and I let it lie. Now Im wondering if I was right to, especially with his moods and all thats been going on.

Yes folks, its fine to talk about using porn as a couple, its when one person is being shifty about it that I start to worry.

One person being shifty about nearly anything is a sign of something up.

It's certainly true that if you go on a porn site, there are likely to be adverts for other porn sites (and fuckbuddy sites etc etc), which will mean those sites will appear in the internet history as if you went to them, as well.

OR being shifty could be a sign that he/she is planning you a surprise party!

I was very shifty for about 2 months last year, phone always on vibrate only, kept about my person, running off to answer it, popping to shop and being ages... and DH didn't even NOTICE much less feel concerned by my behaviour, the arse! (Was sorting him a surprise 40th involving all his family travelling a couple of hundred miles to be there!)

Are you saying the 40th birthday party planning wasn't something up? (And goodness knows, for some people, having a surprise birthday party for them would be nearly as bad as being unfaithful!)

Well, H was shifty about it to the point of lying about it when we went to Relate. At which point I walked out.

Can you detect a programme that eradicates porn visits? SpyBuddy is somewhere here but I can't access it, and furthermore I don't know what it does.

SpyBuddy is software that records everything done on the computer - it's the exact opposite of what you're talking about. So it records everything anyone does on the computer. Here

If he's installed it on the computer you use, then he's spying on what you're up to online. Not nice.

Not nice no.. but then neither is secretly surfing porn when he knows it causes upset and neither is lying about it at counselling! (Pretty counterproductive that one!) Perhaps he's trying to get something on you Earlgrey, to make himself feel justified.. . Bloody stupid men!