Just stressed and venting

[Primrose06]

Am wary of posting on here as a newspaper uses stories from here on its site. I do not want to see my private life on a daily news site.
Anyway married almost 30 years. We are rural folk and Dh and ds are self employed on our farm . Our marriage has and is going through a rough spell. Serious illnesses an zero benefits. (We tried) Dh is also on medication for depression. It has been an awful strain .We have suffered excessive stress with land vested off us and so much damage done as a result of a road through us.So far not a penny for the land or damages. Ds also verging on depression as is dd who still lives at home.
I am currently seeing a counsellor privately.
Dh feels that problems are always caused by everyone except him.
He also has been in hospital a few times recently (serious) I feel bad as I do care about him.
Also he has old aunt and uncle and seems to put their every need before us.
He just says they are old and he promises his late mum he would look after them.
I suppose illnes has taken its toll.
And when stress hits it has a knock on effect.
There are things that need doing in the home and his attitude is why bother when he can put it off for as long as possible.
He told me to book a holiday for our 30th anniversary (my savings likely) I am happy to go but with him being so ill I have insisted he speaks to his gp first. So tonite afternoon we will know if we can go abroad.
We were a few days in southern Ireland earlier in year but we both prefer sunny . So no way would we go UK if we not get abroad . Besides it costs more.
I am thinking of ending our marriage as feel I have had enough. It would be difficult as we live in rural area with no public transport and I do not drive and am a bit disabled. (I look fine)
I feel I have had enough
The dog is helping us .
I just want a calmer easier life with less stress. I hate the way he says he will do things and puts them off for ages. Yet always goes straight to the aunt and uncle. No excuses for them.
I hate the rows and grew up with rows and worse and vowed I never would live like this or let my kids be subject to it.
Both adult kids live at home.
We used to be happy but I just don't know.
Am worried we won't get our holiday as well as it helps me no end.
Sorry for going on a bit.

I hope you feel better for venting.
Don't have any advice really, just didn't want to read and run.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Could you get someone else to do the things you want done eg your ds. If its painting for example hire a painter yourself. Take things more into your own hands as you will feel more in control.
Legally have you checked how you would be fixed about the farm if divorce. I presume yiur ds was going to inherit so how would you survive financially.
Its good you are seeing a counsellor.
Do you have any other dc living off farm that you could visit for a little while to get a break. It all sounds intense at the moment.

I also think it's very positive that you have sought counselling for yourself. I agree with june that you need to take back some control yourself. I would make a list of the house jobs that need doing - which are the ones bringing you down the most? Could you pay someone to do those? or could you and the adult DC tackle them?

Can you try to detach emotionally form your DH. Let him get on with his stuff and running after his relatives and not let it impinge on your MH so much? Do this by looking to your own needs and practicing self care and kindness to yourself. Try and think about little good things each day - a nice walk with the dog, a lovely cup of coffee etc to focus on the positive not the negative. Can your DC help out more?

I'm so sorry you feel at the end of your tether you have really been coping with a lot.