Successful LTB tales needed please

[Twodogsandahooch]

I'm on the cusp of leaving my long term partner. 2 DC. He is becoming increasingly angry, controlling and simply miserable to be around. We are currently on holiday with my family and he has behaved appallingly and made it completely obvious that he doesn't want to be here. I have been unhappy for some time but keep finding reasons/excuses to stay.

Please give me your stories of how life is so much better when you haven't got a sulky DP to walk on eggshells around.

My exh was a twisty miserable twat. Blamed depression but never took meds, blamed my dc, blamed me, blamed his exes for not letting him have his dc, never took responsibility for anything at all. When I found out he had lied and spent ££££ he text the next day to say sorry. . I said I will never believe anything he said again. He suggested he moved out - I said yes def. . So he did.
I had a fling with a man in uniform soon after as a pick me up!!
Then met my now dh and wonder how I put up with his shit for so long tbh!!

My exh was a complete controlling narc. I married him at 21 I was a single mum to my ds and dd and I believe he saw me as a easy target and I was a fool who fell for his sob stories. Over the 6 year marriage I became so institutionalised I didn't even realise how much power/control he had over me. I was so well "trained" that I'd stand in the kitchen window waiting for his car to come down the road to have a brew ready for him when he walked though the the door. While he drank the brew while I'd serve him his food ( I feel pathetic even typing that ). He controlled what I did, who I saw what he spent MY wages on. Would make me and the kids leave the house when his football team was playing on the telly ( didn't matter the weather, he wanted to watch in peace ). Complained for 3 days while I was in labour that the hospital chair was uncomfortable and had missed the match.
Threw hot coffee at me for not agreeing with his views. Cheated on me with his ex. Spent my money at work nights out in the strip clubs. Honestly I could go on and on. He turned me into a nervous wreck I was having panic attacks 2-5 times daily. I weight about 6 1/2 stone when my doctor said he was considering sectioning me.
The night I decided I'd had enough we'd had a argument over me not doing as I was told. I was so scared I grabbed my dog at two in the morning and went for a walk. I stood on a bridge and considered killing my self I felt so hopeless. I swear to god I had a guardian angel with me that night because something inside me just switched. The next day I booked a appointment to see a solicitor. I told him I was done and as the realisation that I was serious hit him he went into complete panic mode. I was so calm. He put up a fight spewed all sorts of venom at me and I looked him dead in the eye and said " this is my way out and I'm taking it " When he walked out with his stuff I locked that door and honestly felt the most amazing feeling of relief.
The divorce was nasty he took all savings etc but I was very lucky as the tencancy was in my own name so he had no rights to my home ( housing association). Even post divorce he hates me with a passion. I was hard at the time but so worth it.

I'm now married to my soul mate we have a lovely life together and he loves me to bits. My kids are amazing, I love my Home, and have a job that I enjoy and my mental health has done a complete 180.
Life is way too short to be marriage that isn't a happy one.

Following. I've told my husband's it's over but he won't accept it and is current on his best behaviour. I'm going to have to force the issue. Two small children and I feel so guilty.

Oh my goodness the relief you will feel once you're no longer having to deal with the sulks and the bullying, walking on egg shells bullshit....it's AMAZING! Honestly it's worth any grief and guilt you may feel, like PP I was on the verge of a mental health crisis and didn't even realise it was the effect of living with someone who was constantly bringing me down. I'm like a new woman and people who haven't seen me in a while tell me I look 10 years younger. Do it, you won't regret it! Good luck 👍

I'll give you the upsides rather than the whole sordid tale.

There is no more negotiation/criticism about, when you sleep, what you eat, when you eat, what you drink, who you see, what you do, when you work, who you work with, how the kids behave, how you decorate the house, how you drive, when you go to bed....the list goes on.

Get my drift?

Life outside of the abuse is so much better.

Absolutely what Bowie above said. Don't get me wrong, working, raising a family effectively on my own and running a house is mentally and physically exhausting in my opinion but my god I wouldn't swap it for all the tea in China. My home is peaceful, non toxic and happy. Worth all the trauma to get here, wish I'd done it sooner. Best of luck to you, life's too short and you and your children deserve more x

What jeaux90 said.

It's not the materialistic things, I don't have a massive house, I don't even own it, but I can do anything I want, when I want to. I'm not walking on eggshells constantly, driving home from work the long way so I don't have to put up with crap when I get home.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2768580-Could-I-maybe-have-a-hand-hold

This is my last thread with update.

It was (briefly) very dark before I felt sure he would leave me alone and I OD'd when the ordinary police weren't great but totally relate to the 'switch' described by PP. I was unconscious for 2/3 days but when I woke up and hadn't died it was like a switch flipped and I thought 'it is time to fight for you'.

It's just so much better now. I can't imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again but I expect that will pass eventually and it feels good and freeing to be single now.

Staying in my marriage would have meant ongoing depression and mental health and self-destruction.
Divorcing was tough. He attacked me. As promised he ensured there was war about the children and assets.
But I am now free from emotional abuse and lies. That's priceless. And living to actually do something meaningful with my life. I am happier and a better mum for my children. I have a partner who loves me loads and treats me well.

Thanks everyone it really helps. I know how peaceful life can be on the rare occasions he goes away.

Just had quite a pleasant family meal together and now feeling guilty about starting this thread. I half wish he would have an affair or leave me so I don't have to make the decision.

Hi OP I left 2 weeks ago. It wasn't easy but I can't begin to tell you how sweet freedom is. I've only begun to realise, he was so skilful in manipulating me that I lost my autonomy. I can't imagine ever living with a man again. I'm not saying that in a bitter way but in a liberated way.