OH thinking female I hate is fit...

[Sofi567b]

Long story short OH and I work together and have been together for 5 years and now live together.

There is a girl in my work who for some reason really hates me. She is a very strange character, young and ditsy but very, very attractive. I know it's not me, as I spend a lot of time with the girls I work with socially and we are all really good friends (I am even bridesmaid for one of them). This one girl doesn't get involved with the social group, keeps herself to herself when it comes to females, however is the biggest office flirt. She's actually very smart but puts on a stupid act in front of the men and gets a lot of attention because of her looks. For one reason or another, she really doesn't like me (I think the main reason is we were both up for the same promotion and I got it) but makes it very well known and on a few occasions has greatly upset me with unfair and downright rude comments and actions and has repeatedly been very aggressive with me in her responses when I so dare as to ask her a work related question or ask her to do something (I am now her supervisor). I've been nice from the offset and continue to do so which I have stuck by as I try to maintain professionalism in my work and find it all a bit childish.

Tonight my OH asked me whilst driving if I could text his mum for him. I clicked on his iMessage and the first message that came up as he was clicked in the conversation is someone we also work with. Conversation goes like this... Friend: "X is looking amazing today." To which my OH replied "Cor. Outrageous!!"
I'm hurt about the fact that he would message someone else we work with about this girl when he knows how much she has upset me previously and has always been on my side, especially with forming his own comments about her actions and saying she is being grossly unfair, etc.

Should I bring it up and say I saw it when he asked me to go on his phone and it's upset me or am I being ridiculous petty?

It would have pissed me off but unless you have other grounds to think he's up to no good I think you have to let it go.

This kind of behaviour is almost universal and usually meaningless. It was insensitive and a bit tasteless of him. But it stops a long way short of cheating. And by the sound of it he was responding to a prompt from someone else, rather than instigating.

You have to deal with the fact that your OH will find other people attractive and you can't police it. If its said in private, doesn't indicate an underlying disrespect for you or the other woman and is not acted on you just have to let it go.

I do think its disloyal from your OH

She is a work colleague who has made life for you difficult, upset you at work, makes it clear to everyone she hates you and makes rude comments about you and gives you aggressive responses.

Your OH has discussed her with you and agreed that her behaviour towards you is wrong and sympathised with you , yet he is discussing her in "favourable" way to another colleague. ( i say that loosely because rating your work colleagues attractiveness in messages is in itself offensive)

Essentially your OH is supportive of you in private but not in public with your shared colleagues.
Rating a female colleague as attractive who has caused you distress and made your working life difficult gives the message to your colleagues that your OH doesnt really mind how she treats you because shes "cor outrageous"

Hmm it is ambiguous.

However nothing to stop you commenting in a way which will let him know where you stand...

'Bleurgh, last thing I need to be reminded of when picking up your phone is X by the way. I'm out of work fgs, I don't need to be reminded ANY MORE of her thanks (laugh). Creepy isn't it, how someone can be really good looking and yet such a fucking horrible person underneath! It's like a horror film where you're just waiting for the moment they peel off the mask and underneath it's all boils and red staring eyes! Hahaha'

Next time it's 'Cor!' I guarantee you he'll be thinking of that little image instead :)

Just take a day or two to mull it over and calm down. You may change your view. I csn see where your coming from but dont let your emotion rule your logic

Friend: "X is looking amazing today." - Friend is making a general comment. Take it how you want. Probably at face value.

To which my OH replied "Cor. Outrageous!!" - I would be looking at this very much along the lines of either Disagree or You Know I dont see her like that stop stirring or Seriously, stop with that.

Nothing in your OHs comment says yes I want to fuck her. Unless he is a teenager and everything positive is outrageous (I dont even know if teens speak like that anymore). Has your OH ever referred to anything positive as outrageous?

Just forget about it. He's with you. Not this person. He didn't even initiate the comments only replied to his friend.

Some of the replies to this are hilarious. Sexual harrassment. Bin him.

Had he replied "Yeah, she always looks fit as fuck and I plan on getting her into the stationery cupboard and shagging the arse off her"? then you might have cause for complaint and I'd understand some of the ridiculously OTT replies.