Long story with our family but DH & I have been getting help & getting the "tools" to hopefully be better parents. We both know we have to change how we handle DD8's challenging (sometimes extremely) behaviour. It's very hard at times but we are being supportive of each other & on the same page, at least most of the time. This is huge progress from where we were at the start of this year. Like with any couple, there are bound to be a few things we think the other one could do better or differently. DD resents DH going to work & when he comes home, she can be very over the top & also can get physical with him. Tonight, she deliberately walked over his feet twice then when he asked her to stop she kicked the furniture. For that, DH removed a marble from DD's jar & she promptly kicked him on the shin. He then took away the first thing to hand, which unfortunately was her favourite teddy, and told her she could have it back when she said sorry properly. By this point she was in tears & very wound up & I thought that was taking things a bit too far. There was a bit of a stand off where DH insisted that she say sorry properly & in the end she did but as I said to him later, she was only saying sorry to get the bear back & not because she hurt Daddy.
DH did say sorry if I thought it wasn't the right thing to do then was a bit annoyed when I went on about it, but I really think it was pointless making DD apologise. She didn't really learn anything. (I do tend to almost not realise when DH has apologised as it's still a relatively new thing for him to do sincerely, so I tend to behave as I used to & keep on when actually that could be a natural end to the discussion). However, it did seem to be a bit of a power thing when he was getting DD to say sorry.