Recording phone call so I ca stand up for myself better

[sansahacked]

When your in a situation where someone is arguing with you about events that have happened and you know you will forget everything they say or have it twisted afterwards. I'm in such a predicament and I hate not been belived and I struggle to stand up for myself there and then if I can't remember exactly what was said

Sounds like you might be being gaslighted

If you backsearch me you will see that it get it.

I was given good advice I felt terribly afraid to act on but when I did act on it everything got so much better.

Standing up for yourself with someone like this is not proving that you were right, because they will never accept that you are. Whatever you do will be twisted. They enjoy the dynamic of twisting you in knots. Standing up for yourself is just making the decision to not engage in the dance anymore.

What is the thread called Offred ?

I'm being accused over the phone of allsorts and I'm not very good at all at standing up for myself until afterwards I know what to say.

This isn't a silly argument where I come up with an amazing response that I wish I had said , it's the fact that I'm often left completely stunned by what I'm told and I freeze and just cry. When I do try say anything I'm interrupted or hung up on.

But I'm 110% certain that if I explained things it would make sense to the other person and I would be more understood and the assumptions they are making would be put to rest and corrected. I just feel ganged up on and not being able to tell my side of things leading to me being completely devastated. I could say I feel quite bullied to be honest

There are loads all about my xp the main ones;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2678090-I-really-think-most-reasonable-and-fair-minded-people-would-agree

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2768580-Could-I-maybe-have-a-hand-hold

You feel bullied because you are being bullied.

That is the most likely explanation.

I am not sure recording it on the phone will help. He will probably make an issue of it, telling you how unacceptable it is.
He is making assumptions and does not want to hear your replies.
It sounds like bullying and gaslighting.

I think the mere fact that you are posting on here is proof enough you are being manipulated and gas lighted. You simply wouldn't be asking that question if you felt your side was being listened to and considered.

I had exactly the same with my ex...we'd go round and round in circles, my head would be spinning at the end of what ever it was we were discussing (arguing). So much so that I had either forgot what the argument was about in the first place or we'd be arguing about something else all together.

I would feel pressured, bullied, and confused. The facts were blindingly obvious but they would still twist and deflect.

One aguement started when my ex knocked over a sentimental picture frame and chipped the paint on the frame with the Hoover. I was upset and angry (who wouldn't be) the frame was important to me. Rather than apologise my ex pushed the blame onto me, said I was being unfair because I was having a bad day trying to do my work, the frame shouldn't have been there in the first place (the same place it had been for the last 2 years). A normal person would apologise and accept blame, realise the object was important to the other person.

Now I'm out of the marriage and away from my ex can I see it clearer now. The last year we were together I would try and use the voice recorder on my phone whenever possible to reassure me I wasn't going mad.

I never shred the fact with my ex that I was recording any conversations, it was merely for my own piece of mind that I wasn't going mad. It really helped me understand what was happening when I listened to the recordings. One reason why they are now an ex.

*shared - bloody phone!

But I'm 110% certain that if I explained things it would make sense to the other person and I would be more understood.

By thinking that there's a magic phrase out there that would shut this person up or 'make them see', is you still taking responsibility for their behaviour.

What they are saying isn't the issue, it's their need for saying it, which is.
This person feeds off your emotions and when Ofred said don't play the game, she meant don't give the bully exactly what they'rve engineered, a response.

Recordings might be able to offer you clarity about what's being said but it won't change or combat, why it is being said.

You don't engage with bullies, you detach from them.

It's not clear whether this is a partner, but it does sound like conversations you should really not engage in.

But I'm 110% certain that if I explained things it would make sense to the other person and I would be more understood.

See this stands out to me in a different way. Isn't it possible that no matter what way you explained things the other person will still have a different view (perhaps legitimately?) Have you both considered this. Do these conversations have to be had?

I'm not sure how other posters came to their conclusions so quickly. I know someone who feels not heard, bullied etc, because I don't want to listen at length to all the reasons she is right/I'm wrong.

But I don't know your situation of course OP. With the person I'm referring to its clear we both feel very hurt and seems to me we can't make things work and disengaging can only be better for both of us.

Maybe your situation is different and you have something more to work with. But i can hear how upset you are and it does really sound like it's not working for you.