Its the end isn't it?

[bloodyiphone]

Married 15 years 2 DC, I really didn't think I'd be posting this ever, but I've fallen out of love with my DH.

I'm so turned off by him it's getting harder and harder to mask and pretend. About 2 weeks ago we had sex and I went to the bathroom and cried after, I just felt awful. We haven't kissed for years, I don't like his smell, his taste or him touching me.

I will add he is lovely, kind, loves me to bits and has done nothing wrong other than take me for granted and be lazy.

But somewhere along the line I've switched off. I'm gone and I can't recover this.. I've been like this for maybe 2 years, keep thinking I can fix it somehow.

When we are out he talks in a certain way when telling a story and it drives me spare, when he messages me I get annoyed, I can't stand being in a car with him, don't like the way he talks to the children, he really can't do anything right, he really doesn't deserve this.

I'm bored of pretending, I'm so tired emotionally of being with him and trying to be lovely and nice and keep up the happy famlies game but I'm just done.

I can't see how to recover this? I also feel I need to let him go, for his sake more than mine, I feel just awful staying with him for the sake of the children when he has a chance to maybe find someone that really loves him.

I just feel so sad. And how on earth do i do this?

Is this really enough reason to end a marriage and smash a family apart ? Is there something else going on you are not mentioning ?

@brandybunny I understand where you are coming from totally, this is whats difficult, in some ways it would be so much easier if there were other people involved, or a big drastic drama in our lives or just "something" I could pin this on.

Have more sex, it really the panacea for most things.

Seriously? Have more sex that makes you weep?

Bore off, Brandy.

OP, you've had some good advice and some good perspectives. One thing I will say is no more going through the motions with sex. It's not wanted by you, quite clearly, so it ends now. No more tears because you let him use your body.

Are you a man Brandy? Seems like the typical response from men posting on the relationships board!

What a thoughtless comment Brandybunny!

Have you ever felt "obliged" to have sex with someone when you didn't want to? It's the most soul destroying feeling in the world.

Do you have much time as a couple ? Or do you just feel stuck in a rut ? My ex H when I was with him we just continuously a family and never did anything as a couple. We lost who we were and became stuck in a rut. Lots of my friends say similar. A date night once a month, a day out one a month just you two really helps.

brandy did you even read the op?

Of course! Sex that makes you weep is the answer
Not her husband actually pulling his finger out and taking his share of the load?

@picAChew thanks, I know, I know I really don't want too but the longer I go without sex the more he asks whats wrong (in a loving way) and the more I feel cornered to make this decision and just blurt out what I want to say. Does that make sense..

Thing is I love sex, always have, so me not wanting to have fun and cuddles and sex is really alien to him, I'm not sure he's noticed the last say 8 months it's been dwindling off a bit.

@Kaykj84 yep we do, this is the thing we talk we chat we are good friends, but I would right now this moment given the choice of going home to see him or going out with some friends for a drink or chat up or just driving somewhere alone I would choose the others. I just have little or no interest in being with him, I find him exhausting as I have to act, I can't be myself.. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

I ended a relationship for that exact reason - I wanted it to work because we were such good friends, but we were housemates, and the one time in the last 6 months we tried anything sexual it just felt wrong.

We called off the relationship and kept the friendship. :)

@Stormtreader and how are you now?

I actually think Brandy Bunny has a point. In that having a lot of sex increases oxytocin and can deal with problems that are down to familiarity and the rigours of work and family life.

However - and this is a big however - if the partner is not taking care of their looks, their emotional availibilty and working to be adorable and supportive, then it won't work.

Op, is his 'smell' due to lack of personal hygiene? Is his unattractiveness down to lazy habits? Is he not flirting and making you feel like his no.1? In that case then speak to him and if he can't turn it around then I agree with everyone else.

Everyone should feel loved and special from their partner. This will mean different things for every couple but you should not be feeling this bad - say something.

Given how you feel about him, would you be relieved or upset If he wanted to end or /if he left you for someone else?

I only ask because, sometimes the OH can sense that you cringe when they touch you. They cotton on to you going to bed earlier or staying up later to avoid intimacy. They know you aren't really into being with them intimately. They often sense this, feel unloved and seek outside attention.

Then when they announce their departure the other person becomes upset and suddenly feels hard done by.

It's hard to gain sexual attraction back and in your case it sounds like his very presence irritates you can unless he keeps his distance.

You don't get the oxytocin with barrier methods of contraception btw.

bloodyiphone5 It's the only relationship where we've stayed friends, every other one Ive had, we both dragged it out to the bitter end and neither of us want to see the other ever again. To be fair, its a little different to your situation in that both of us knew that the interest wasnt there any more so it was really just "taking the old relationship label off".