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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To all the women who are too scared to leave

3 replies

splendidisolation · 23/08/2017 17:02

My Mum was aged 33, with me (3) and my sister (just a few months old).
He maxed out their credit cards
The baillifs came round
He told her repeatedly she was too skinny and didnt wear enough make-up
He put her down in front of people
He put her down in private
He would scream and shout when my sister cried at night: "Won't you shut that fucking baby up!"
He had affairs with 18, 19, 20 year olds he met down the pub
He bought a motorbike with money that was meant for the household
He kicked in doors
He actually screwed one of his squeezes in my Mum's father's house when he was out of town

Luckily my Mum had always carried on working.

But she worried how she was going to manage. Money was tight. She didnt want to be alone and she didnt want us to grow up without a father.

Still, aged 33, she left.

Life was hard and money was tight.

Three years passed. She met a man. He turned into my stepdad. They had my brother. He raised and loved us like his own. He took us from the rough side of Liverpool into an expat life where we wanted for nowt.

Be brave women. It may seem insurmountable but you can do it.

My birth father never paid a single penny of child support. Ive seen him a couple of times in my life. Last time I saw him he was a cokehead in Manchester. Now he's in his 50s, there are less 18 year olds who want to sleep with him. My Mum could have still been there. But shes not, and thank fuck. Dont worry how your children will cope with you leaving. If they have love, they're more resilient than you can imagine.

Do it.

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 23/08/2017 18:52
Flowers

Agree OP. I left a hugely abusive relationship almost 3 years ago. Life is immeasurably and indescribably better.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/08/2017 18:56

Wonderful OP. Thank you.

As someone else who nearly lost everything in escaping an abusive marriage -it's never too late or too difficult.
It might be hard and it might feel dark at times but I promise you -you can do it and better things lie ahead. Anything is better than living your life like that.
Have faith in yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself.

XX

jm42 · 23/08/2017 23:11

You are an inspiration. There are so many mothers in abusive/unhealthy relationships who stay lobger than they should for the sake of their DC. One day our children grow up and realise the truth about what happened. You are a very well balanced person & you know your Mum did the right thing. Bless you xx I'm 52 and leaving a 22 year relationship, worried about how my DC feel but I know they will realise the truth one day. x

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