I'm really worried I'm having some kind of breakdown. The last year hasn't been ridiculously hard and I've been told I most likely have ptsd. And now I'm worried that what seemed a rational request for some space is actually the manifestation of a mind that's not entirely to be trusted :(
I have 3 dc from previous relationships, the middle of whom has very challenging additional needs, add, asd, sensory processing difficulties and anxiety, the works. He is full on, and tbh often is hugely unlikeable, though I love him of course. Dh has been slowly getting less and less tolerant. And I've had enough. I'm fed up of being the one who understands ds, who reads the info, goes on the courses and being the one who sorts everything out. Dh has just stopped trying with ds as he says he won't listen to him. The level of shouting and conflict here is ridiculous, but par for the course with Sen children I think. The burden on me is huge. I went to a & e in an absolute state at the weekend with ds as I felt I wasn't able to cope and we've been told before that the only way we're going to get help for him is to go via a & e which seems totally ridiculous. We had an emergency Camhs appointment at the end of last year as ds (8 at the time) was saying he wanted to kill himself. Nothing was done and still no support for our family aside from an occasional Camh appointment. By huge coincidence, as it's not the hospital we see him at, ds's psychiatrist was there and we got to see him and he's going to try and get us family therapy.
I'd taken ds there myself and when we got home I explained to Dh that I wasn't willing to live like this anymore. Very calmly I asked him to go stay somewhere else for a few days and think about wether he can actually handle being part of this family. When we got together he was great with all the dc, but that was prior to diagnosis although the difficulties were always there. I don't know where he's gone, though I suspect to his mums. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary and nothing :(
The thing that's troubling me now is this. Last year I had a miscarriage that went very wrong, it ended up with me nearly losing my life in hospital because of huge bloodloss. I've not had time to deal with this really, despite it wiping me out for a long while, as when I got home I had to take over again. I've had terrible physical problems since, with constant bleeding and pain, which no one has taken seriously. I had a long awaited gynae appointment earlier this month where I was told I had ptsd and basically needed counselling. Still no help for my physical symptoms. I feel like I'm going crazy and no one will help. And now I may have thrown away my marriage too. I've not been able to eat since Saturday and everything seems pretty pointless.