Background is that we have been married for nearly five years, together for seven. Two children together. He works full time and I am a SAHM.
I have to start by saying that on the whole he is a lovely man. We have been through a lot together and had arguments etc but he is not arrogant or nasty and I do really believe that he loves me.
But lately I think he is depressed and it is really starting to take its toll. He goes to work, comes home, we eat dinner as a family, the kids go to bed and then we sit in the same room all night not speaking to each other. There is no affection, there is no spark. Some times he is fine, he will chat but more and more he is totally vacant.
We had a conversation the other day that was then interrupted by the kids, and when they were sorted I picked the conversation back up and he looked at me blankly. He genuinely had no idea what I was talking about, but he had been in the conversation only a few minutes before.
I do the majority of the housework and cleaning and organisation because I am a SAHM and that is totally fine. He does muck in and do his bit, I have no complaints on that front, but its more the general decision making/bill paying/budgeting/family organisation that is getting to me. It is like he has just signed out of his life. He wouldn't have a clue about the bills or the kids if I was gone tomorrow. I try to discuss it all with him but he just glazes over or says he doesn't care and that he trusts that I am dealing with it.
Money is tight, but it only will be this way for another year and then I will be returning to work. This is the plan that we both settled on and now and again when he is down about the lack of money I suggest bringing it forward. But he insists that the best thing is to stick with the original plan because of childcare/the logistics of working etc. And he has a valid point. I am not at home because he says so or anything like that, and I don't resent it. It really is the best for our family right now. But when he moans about the lack of money I feel as though it is my fault for not budgeting right or because I am not financially contributing.
We have tried date nights but he refuses to do anything that isn't cinema and a meal. The last time we tried it we had a huge row and ended up at home at 8pm on a rare childfree night. I think this is the crux of the issue. We are lucky to have the support that means we could have more childfree time, but it would be pointless to have it because he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything.
I am just so utterly utterly bored. I am not attracted to him anymore and I probably do still love him but only out of habit. I can't face the thought that this is my life now. The next however many years stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage with this man who refuses to help himself or try a bit harder with anything.
It is so messy and of course it is so much more complex than what I can write on here. This is already so long. I just don't know what to do.