I didn't really know where to post this. I'll try to keep it brief!
Yesterday, I was talking to my mum about an event we had been to when I was a child (about 8), and she casually said, "Do you remember when your dad dropped you on your head?" She went on to explain to me that my dad had got angry with me, so had deliberately picked me up by my ankles and dropped me on my head. I said, "Isn't that child abuse?" and she simply replied, "Yes," then carried on with the conversation.
When I got home, I spoke to DH about it and at first he said it was awful. He then said don't worry because I'm sure most people have had stuff done like this to them when they were younger.
I was feeling upset about it, but now I don't know if I am feeling overly sensitive about something that happened years ago based on their comments.
So as not to dripfeed: my relationship with my dad is quite strained anyway for various reasons. Some reasons for this are:
- he cheated on my mum multiple times, then told me about this when I was a teenager and even asked me for advice on how to woo some of the other women and how to tell my mum.
- he was EA to my mum thoughout my childhood and, when I became a late teenager, began to speak to me like how he spoke to her. He frequently makes me feel bad when I talk to him.
- he has always made disgusting comments about other women to me. I remember as a child him telling me that he and his colleagues will only hire women whose legs look nice in a skirt. I believe that this has led me to have really low self esteem over the years.
I could go on, but I won't. I remember feeling like he despised me when I was a child and that he preferred my brother, but I never knew why I thought that.
Since my mum told me about this incident I am wondering what else happened that I don't remember. I also feel hurt that no one questioned it or did anything and that people (like my DH) are making it not seem so bad now.
I am meant to be seeing him tonight and am feeling quite anxious about it. I just don't know how to act around him. Any perspectives will be helpful. I don't know if I should just forget it and move on and try to have a good relationship with him...
He has a new family now with young children, but tbh it feels very painful for me to see them together as he seems to value and respect his new family way more than he valued us.