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Relationships

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Original poster

What happens to our house if I leave?

18 replies

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 06:54

I've been with my DP for 21 years, we have two DCs aged 12 and 16. We're not married. My DP has basically checked out and is having some sort of "thing" with a much younger female colleague who works for him. (I wrote about his midlife crisis in a previous threat - I'm heartbroken)
My question is this - what will happen to our house when we separate? We have a joint mortgage and there's a lot of equity in the house BUT if we split the profit there will only be enough for me to buy a small flat, not large enough for me and the DCs. He, on the other hand, is a high earner and could get another mortgage and a nice house, large enough for them all. I have a small part-time job and not qualified to do much as our focus has always been on his career.
I know I need to see a solicitor but I would be interested to hear from others who have been through this.

OP posts:

IrritatedUser1960 · 23/08/2017 06:57

So sorry to hear that, what on earth is WRONG with these men going off with younger women mid life
I would think that if you are taking on the children you would be able to get a much larger portion of the equity to go with.
It doesn't need saying, see a solicitor obviously but you should be able to get a good deal. Don't let him bully you into going halves.

thegirlupnorth · 23/08/2017 06:59

Presumably he would buy you out or you'd sell and split the equity but in your position I wouldn't leave before getting legal advice.

Samsara123 · 23/08/2017 07:02

You may be able to stay in the family home until your youngest leaves education.

Putyourhandsintheair · 23/08/2017 07:12

You really need to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce and separation. you may be entitled to more than half. However, there are many factors to be considered and a solicitor is the only person who can really advise you. Are you both still living my in the house?
See a solicitor, don't let on to DP what you are doing at the moment. Then you can decide what you want to do.
Good luck at this horrible time.

Original poster

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 07:15

Thanks so much for the replies. I don't know what's wrong with these men IrritatedUser1960, he's doing the entire midlife crisis script! He was such a lovely family man until now.
Thanks, thegirlupnorth, I won't leave without advice, I'm hoping it'll be him doing that but I don't think I can force him to as the house is in both our names.
That's what I was hoping to hear SamSara123, this happened to a friend and she got to stay in her house BUT another, in the same position, was forced to sell so I have no idea what's going to happen to me and my kids when we separate. What a mess he's making of our lives.

OP posts:

Original poster

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 07:19

Thanks Putyourhandsintheair, someone recommended a solicitor so I'll ring them today, we are both still living here, the DCs are at a local school.

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Samsara123 · 23/08/2017 07:23

*ps, if you can get the agreement to state til the end of any University education even better. Midlife crises don't come free

Samsara123 · 23/08/2017 07:25

pps, I don't know how he's got the cheek to still be in your house, fool of a man.

Mary1935 · 23/08/2017 07:26

Hi I assume you are the primary career for your children. They are the priority in any decision made by the courts. You will need a 2 bed or 3 bed property to provide a home for them. You maybe able to stay in the property - will you be able to pay the mortgage by yourself (he will need to pay maintainace) it's approx 12 percent of his earnings before tax (I've just seen a solicitor but have one child) - you maybe entitled to tax credits/ working tax credits. I live in London and work part-time so I wouldn't be able to afford to buy or rent another property. If I was you I would be getting hold of any wage slips & or bank statements/ savings accounts/investments. I'm not sure about pensions when unmarried. I would try and get some free advice from a solicitor. Some give half hour free. Obviously every situation is different.

Samsara123 · 23/08/2017 07:28

'Mary I doubt they'd be any pension entitlement because of not being married.

Original poster

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 07:41

Thanks so much Samsara123 - being able to stay would be fantastic, especially if it's until youngest DC leaves Uni!
Thanks Mary1935, I do more in the way of childcare, he puts a lot of hours in at work (working hard having an emotional affair it would appear) so I doubt he'd want the DCs fulltime anyway. He's never really sorted out a pension so there's nothing there anyway. I know in the eyes of the law he owes me nothing and it's just maintainence for the DCs which I'd be entitled to. It's the house I want or at least the right for us to stay in it. If he pays me a percentage of his earnings, I increase my hours at work and rent out a bedroom I could just about do it financially I think.

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Putyourhandsintheair · 23/08/2017 08:05

Excellent first step. Get the solicitor phoned and then you can start to make a plan for your future.

Whataboutmeee · 23/08/2017 08:07

It depends on your circumstances as everyone is different. In my case I was forced to sell (with two young dc) as there was enough equity in the house to split and both move on. It depends what your h will agree to.

JK1773 · 23/08/2017 08:15

See a solicitor. Your position is more complicated as you are not married. You are not entitled to pension or maintenance for you (yes for your DC obviously). The starting point here is an equal split of the equity. You may be able to bring an application on behalf of your DC to be able to live there for the time being but that's not standard by any means. Your solicitor can advise you if your options but I'd prepare yourself for half the equity which is your likely outcome.

Original poster

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 08:45

Thanks Whataboutmee and JK1773. Yes, a friend of mine was also forced to sell so I know it can go both ways. The DCs would hate to move away from this area and have to share a room, especially during GCSE and A level times. I don't earn enough to get a decent mortgage either. I have no idea what my DP will agree to at the moment as his usual fair and reasonable head appears to entirely controlled by the contents of his pants.

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helhathnofury · 23/08/2017 09:23

Would you be able to do a shared ownership scheme? I looked in to this when I was considering leaving and was my only option really. I had enough equity to buy the 50% without mortgage and then just pay rent on the rest which was quite low. You can also make payments in the future to eventually own the home outright.

Hermonie2016 · 23/08/2017 09:55

It's worth finding out if you could get a mortgage, based on cms, tax credits and your income.

If your p is feeling guilty he may agree to a more favourable deal so getting yourself lined up with options is a good idea.

Also don't discount moving, sometimes the fear of a move is worse than reality.It could be a new start however appreciate you have to balance that with stability for your children.

Original poster

DollyBright0n · 23/08/2017 12:27

I'll consider all options but would really prefer not to have to move the DC, it's going to be traumatic enough with us separating and getting used to living on a tight budget. I'm seeing a solicitor so I'm hoping to have a clearer idea after the appointment. I still can't quite believe he's doing this to us.

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