Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriends Earnings

7 replies

Cakefortea1 · 22/08/2017 10:35

Hi

This may be a third world problem but its eating me up.

Separated from my stbex last April, met new BF in Sept. I have 2 teenage children (16 & 13). I work part-time in a good position with the potential to become a Director in the next few years. I will be increasing my hours this year but there is not enough work just yet for full time. Although its a decent salary its by no means a lot! I still rely on tax credits, child benefit and maintenance from my ex as well as doing Airbnb to afford any extras. (So I guess with all the work Airbnb involves I work full time hours equivalent).

My new BF has always earned much more than me but he has recently taken a leap and is heading into a 6 figure sum. He is money orientated in that he wants to do well, to afford a nice (but not lavish) lifestyle and be able to help his parents. He is very generous.

We are so in love, he really is the love of my life and it feels very mutual.

My issue is I don't know how to deal with the difference in earnings. I don't feel good enough, I constantly worry he will realise I am not equal, I cannot afford the same lifestyle. My stbex left me with so many feelings of low self worth I struggle seeing any good in myself although this has got better than it was.

I have spoken to BF & explained, he was so reassuring, said he is with me for all my qualities that he has always been looking for. That when we are properly together it will be one pot. Its a non issue for him. He said I make him feel loved & secure and more confident (he already is very confident!) and that's why he feels he has been able to make the leap as he has support and love now.

Am I just being very silly??

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 22/08/2017 10:42

He sounds like a lovely man and it's not all about money. It's not like you're lazing around and don't have a career either.

You've been very sensible in making some extra money as well. He reassured you in a loving way.

Cakefortea1 · 22/08/2017 18:54

Any other thoughts?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 22/08/2017 18:58

Money isn't everything. He seems kind and genuine. Start realising you deserve him.

whatAREyouwatching · 22/08/2017 19:02

I can sympathise. Despite upping my hours and getting a decent pay rise, I still earn only a third of what my DP earns, but it has bothered me a lot more than it bothers him. ExH earned a similar salary but he made a big deal of being a high earner and I hated it.

DP and I contribute to household expenses in a way that is fair and proportionate to our personal income and outgoings and DP willingly pays for joint things that the joint pot can't absorb. He loves me, we are an economic and domestic unit, and my earning power doesn't come in to it.

Sounds like yours is the same, so you can relax!

MoMandaS · 22/08/2017 19:03

I think it's your attitude that's important, rather than what you earn, by which I mean it's clear that you are trying to fulfil your earning potential, and working extra to supplement what you do earn, and have your eye on a higher, better paid position in the not-too-distant future. I suspect he feels the same. It would be different if you were working the bare minimum to get by.

JK1773 · 22/08/2017 19:36

OP I believe I earn about twice as much as DP. I do sometimes pay for more than him with no bother at all, he doesn't expect it and I think (hope) he knows I don't want or need gratitude. I'm with him for who he is, not what he earns. If we ever do live together it will definitely be one pot. Please don't feel insecure over it. He sounds lovely Flowers

Cakefortea1 · 22/08/2017 22:02

Thank you all so much. You are all saying what I think I should be feeling but the little self doubts set in.

Had another frank conversation with him tonight & I now I just need to stop worrying and enjoy what looks like to be an amazing life together Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page