Hi Everyone,
I am new here and need some advice as I am at my wits end with my husband. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with second child. Me and DH has been married for 7 years and have a 2 year old DS. Both children were concieved using IVF for which I paid for myself and travelled to Barcelona for.
Can I also add to my story, that I am a recovering alcoholic with nearly 11 years sober. My DH was with me when I was drinking and saw the extent of it.
Over the last 2 and a bit years, since just before the birth of our son, he has been verbally abusive to me. We both work shifts and before our son was born, I attended AA meetings on the evenings he was at work in order that I could spend some time with him and also because he seemed to disapprove of me going to AA since I first walked through the doors in 2006.
When I finished work for maternity leave in 2015, I went meetings every day. Then when our son was born, I attened infrequently as he would not support me to go branding it a "cult" and refering to meeting as "stupid selfish pointless meetings". When our son was born he was generally snappy and nasty to me constantly critizing the everything I did and repeating calling me selfish. This continued on and off until about Christmas of 2016. When things were good between us, they were good.
At the begining of 2017 things seem to settle a bit and in February I had another cycle of IVF which has resulted in this pregnancy. When I was about 7 weeks pregant, he swore at me, blamed me for our son having a fall and called me a "f**king idiot". His brother is a real troublemaker and says things about me that arent true (e.g that I am still drinking, flirting with other men, that I ruined everyones Christmas one year with my low mood etc) he is also telling everyone that me DH is having an affair with a former work colleague. My DH always stuck up for me when his brother was behaving like this but in the last year or so, he has been sticking up for his brother and just dismissing me.
Anyway, I think the final straw of all of this came at the weekend. I had not been to a meeting in a month and on Friday night I just decided to get up and go. During the day, I had noticed pain under both ribs which got worse by the time I came home. I told my DH about this as I thought it could be a sign of pre eclampsia and he told me not to be so "self-indulgent" and its not all about "poor old me". He then made reference to the "stupid selfish pointless meeting" I was at. On Saturday and Sunday he told me the pain was rib pain from the baby kicking and that I was only thinking pre eclampsia as worse case scenario out of attention seeking. I also feel that he just generally doesnt care and definity doesnt support me. I confronted him about his behaviour and attitudute towards me, I put our DS upstairs and tried to talk reasonablly to him and he told me he didnt want to talk and to leave him alone and that I havent changed in the 11 years I have been sober and that is something to discuss at my "stupid selfish pointless meeting".
I am due to finish work in September for maternity leave and plan to take a year. His mother in law and sister in law help look after our DS and he also attends a day nursery which is flexible. Over the last few months, my DH has been telling me that I will have to give up work completely and as they will not be able to look after 2 kids. I know 4 girls at his nursery who will do babysittting after hours to accommodate us but my DH wont have them in the house. I feel he is doing this to try to manipulate me into leaving my job.
I really feel that I want to leave for the sake of my children more than anything but I dont know where to start or where to go (my family are a bit dysfunctional and not very supportive). This is the first time I have spoken about this and really need some advice. Thanks in advance