A male friend asked me to spend the night

[Mellie1025]

I've been in a committed relationship for three years now but have recently been going through a very rocky patch. We're trying to have a baby (with no luck), he has a friend that keeps sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong and my partners mother has been very ill.

And in walks my bestfriend of 22 years. He and I dated when we were 19 and it ended very badly when I had a miscarriage at 21. We always remained friends and both even married other people. Our child are very close in age and get along like family. He always knows when I need him the most and usually how to fix things. On Friday night my partner and I had a huge fight because he put his daughters needs above mine, which is mostly what we fight about. In walks my "knight in shining Armour". He offered to take me for drinks and even offered to have my spend the night in his truck (he's a long haul trucker). I declined, went home and had a pretty miserable night with my partner.

The next day I told him exactly what had happened and he told me not to worry as he trusted me and that I had done the right thing. I don't wanna give up my friendship of 22 years but what happens if I don't have the same will power next time.

I need some advise.

My husbands ex sounds like that. When I got pregnant she turned into a monster and demanded he spent all of his spare time with his daughter and not with me and my son as well. I suggested they have individual time with their dad and maybe once every other week together on a day as I didn't want my son overly close incase the ex kicked off and stopped contact. She got from that ^ that I didn't like her daughter, didn't want her to see her dad and that I was a awful person and has banned contact for a year and a half almost. We have no spare money to fight this in court so now it's a mess...

I would seriously think about the situation with you dp and his ex before adding another child just from experience because if I'm honest if I knew things would have gone like this I wouldn't have bought my son into this and probably wouldn't have stayed with his dad. I love him but only got blamed for messing it all up.

As for the friend I'd say your in a not so good place and he looks like the better option because of your situation now but probably wouldn't be if you went there..

Speak to your dp about his Dd because people always say a lot about the step parent but it's not always easy with the ex. And that makes having their child around so much harder. Be careful and good luck x

I am the devil in his ex's eyes. I care about his daughter but when I know her mother is teaching her to be like this is very hard for me. The daughter has repeatedly called me names ( stupid, damn, fat ass) and even though I know it's coming from her mother it still hurts when I do everything I can to make sure she's well care for when she's in our care.

As for my "friend", my partner and I have talked about it and it is understood that he's only a friend and nothing will ever happen between us, no matter how rough things get.

I guess it's hard to get a clear picture of what's going on with us in an online forum as there's SO much back story.

@Mellie1025 oh I hear you on the child part I never got the bad mouthing just always her saying "my mommy does it this way" and constantly comparing us. And I sat her down one day and said "your mommy will always be your one and only mommy and how she does things is her way but the way I do them is my way we are two different people and I'm not trying to be your mommy just your friend" and then it got easier to a degree but I think as a stepparent you always feel guilty and to blame and worried it's not the easiest. Yet now we don't see her I miss her like she is my own child and try get my husband back in contact to no avail. It is a muddle of feelings. I do hope you work everything out and I hope you get that baby if that is what you want but please don't do my mistake and sort some ground for you and your dp's dd to work on before doing it cus it's hard when the new one comes along x

Thank you so much for seeing where I'm coming from MrsMamaG2016. I feel like if you have never been in this situation that you don't know how hard it can truly be.

I've cried more tears over this than i care to think about.

He has a child as do you. Why have another? His ex will just ramp yp the hostility ten fold.

We've been together over three years now and feel like our family is incomplete without a little one. My only daughter is 15 and will be leaving the nest soon and other than this bump in the road we have so much to offer another child. I would adopt but his ex would make sure that that never happens.

But it's not a bump in the road. You were considering infidelity, you argue all the time and you don't think he's a good parent. I just don't understand how you can look past those three fundamental issues.

Some situations just aren't worth it. If my DPs daughter was unable to tell her off or discipline her for hurling insults my way to then I would end the relationship with him.

It is bad parenting to allow your child to be so disrespectful, regardless of a custody battle.

That's why I would not be having a child with a man like this.

I agree that this is bad parenting. We can only hope that the mother goes back to her home country and leaves the little one behind for us to raise.

If we had her full time life would be much different.

@Mellie1025 I know that feeling I just pray it gets easier for both of us. Xx