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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Recovering from separation; I'm not going to meet someone else, but living with that is hard.

6 replies

ElizaDontlittle · 21/08/2017 17:19

I am a bit of a serial namechanger - but I had great support here when I kicked my cheating husband out last November.

Now, I am still in my (our) house - as all the income was mine. With our cat plus new (my) kittens. And coping, in a way.

I have several chronic illnesses, including a permanent colostomy and ME/CFS that mean I barely cope with life, the house, and my inevitable part time salary. It's entirely possible for me to lose my job. I'm overweight due to immobility and a previous car accident - I can't walk far and I can't do much.

And I am enjoying my freedom, my friends, and my cats. But when I look at myself, realistically, I can't imagine anyone ever being interested in me romantically. And that makes me sad at times. If I listen to that negative voice in my head it suggests it's a reason to let my STBXH back in again - he is definitely interested. I was good for him financially....

I don't want meaningless encouragement, more a sense of how to be contented to be on my own longer term and not wonder if there's a possibility of the companionship I really miss.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 21/08/2017 17:21

What bothers you the most about your appearance?

Mrscropley · 21/08/2017 17:24

The very fact you have a cat (+kittens a bonus) means you automatically qualify for 'nice person' status.
Enjoy your new life for now - when you are ready for a new relationship you will find one. .
You say you have friends and they count for a lot in moving forward after a break up.

Groovee · 21/08/2017 17:29

I know someone who was single for many years after throwing out her husband who was regularly violent.

She struggled with many chronic health issues due to what had gone on.

Then she met someone online. Started chatting, met up, he moved up here and he is seen by her children as being dad. She's lost weight and finally gone back to work. They have a lovely relationship and it has been a huge change in her. She's definitely happier and has come off many meds. She honestly never thought she would meet and marry someone else who treats her like a princess.

ElizaDontlittle · 21/08/2017 18:05

Myheart the combination of my weight and the bag. I guess either alone is enough to turn most men away.

I guess I know that I just need to live - and enjoy - life as it is now and not worry. It's harder than I thought though. I have some desires that are natural!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 21/08/2017 18:14

There are also men in your position with a stoma. You can probably find support groups online, so don't take a user and a cheater back, when you'd be better off without him.

Lovemusic33 · 21/08/2017 18:23

Of course there's someone out there for you. Sounds like your lacking in confidence probably due to your ex?

I have been dating for a while and have realised that the perfect person does not exist and even if they did I wouldn't want Mr perfect. I have dated people with medical conditions and mental health issues, people that are overweight and people that are underweight, a stomp would not bother me, why should it?

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