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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

advice needed asap

16 replies

Lizzybeth30 · 20/08/2017 23:51

Evening.
I have recently split up from my oh. I have a child with him, and he has a little girl from a previous relationship who was living with us full time as her mother couldn't cope with her extra needs- she has serious behavioural issues.
I split up from my partner as he was a heavy drinker and I also found out he was using drugs- something which he said he had stopped.
I have made it clear my daughter does not see her daddy till he gets himself clean. However he still has custody of other child, and I have since found out yesterday that he is using coke whilst his little girl is in the house. And over previous weeks he has taken her to the pub, had other drug users in the house while she has been there. Also drunk drove with her in the car.

I have tried contacting little girls mother- she is fully aware of what he is like but has point blank refused to have her daughter back as "she has a job and is getting her life sorted" after my ex had apparently ruined her life.
I'm expecting him to try and make amends with her as he always does when women find out what he's really like. However I am so worried about his daughter, I've tried speaking to the rest of his family to see if they can step in but I just get blocked and called crazy. (They don't bother with my daughter so wasn't expecting much). I've offered to have her till he sorts himself out but got refused.
I haven't heard from in a few days and don't know where or who will have this child. If he has gone back to the daughters mother as he knows she will have him or whether she has just been dumped on some family member whilst he goes and gets off his face on beer and drugs.

I really want to ring social services but when I said this to him and that they could help I got all kinds of threats so I'm scared he will find out it's me.

OP posts:
BitOfAProblem · 20/08/2017 23:53

Ring social services.

GaryNumanIsOlderThanGaryOldman · 20/08/2017 23:56

I don't think you have any choice here love. You offered to take her, her Mum doesn't want to know, extended family don't care. You need to report. It should be anonymous and you sound like you need a non-molestation order from this douche in any case.

Lizzybeth30 · 20/08/2017 23:56

What is a non-molestation order?

OP posts:
GaryNumanIsOlderThanGaryOldman · 21/08/2017 00:02

It's like an injunction - means ex has to stay say from you or DD if he's making threats/being abusive. Flowers (not sure how hard they are to get without a history of dv but I would definitely log all incidents, all threats, keep any texts/emails etc and I would do this in any case as he is not fit to have access visits/custody of your daughter whilst still using).

Felicitychipmunkx · 21/08/2017 00:04

How old are these kids op?

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/08/2017 00:07

Would you take the child?

Poor kid, must be awful for her.

SandyY2K · 21/08/2017 00:08

Ring safeguarding in social services. State that you need them to keep you anonymous due to threats from him.

You're very kind for offering to look after her. Poor child, with parents who don't give a damn.

SandyY2K · 21/08/2017 00:09

Would you take the child?,

OP offered to. He refused.

Lizzybeth30 · 21/08/2017 08:12

His dd 7, my dd 2.
I've tried contacting dd mother this morning and heard nothing back as of yet. I still think il be making that call to ss as even if he has gone back to her, I don't think they are responsible enough to raise this little girl properly. Taking drugs when she is in the house is not acceptable.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 21/08/2017 08:15

Taking drugs when she is in the house is not acceptable.

So get on with ringing social services now then. You found all this out yesterday. Imagine what will happen for the next few weeks if you don't.

Putyourhandsintheair · 21/08/2017 08:18

Ring.

Felicitychipmunkx · 21/08/2017 08:42

Just awful. I would find the police, they will be able to do a home check and then take it from there themselves

CosmicPineapple · 21/08/2017 08:50

Can you go through her school? They will have a specially trained teacher who can make a safeguarding to ss. That way it has not come from you.

Coldkebab · 21/08/2017 09:12

This is a terrible situation for you to be in, however, def a no brainer ring ss that poor child shouldnt have to see people intoxicated. You cant look after a child properly while smashed. What if something happened to her you will never forgive yourself.

Felicitychipmunkx · 21/08/2017 09:28

I wouldn't leave this until they go back to school and the parents would still know it had come from somewhere so may as well ring the police now

GoldenOrb · 21/08/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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