I don't know whether this relationship is worth it (sorry this is long, parent related)

[mossyroundhill]

Hope someone can help. I don't post much but I have lurked for a couple of years.
I cut contact with my parents in 2015 after years of bullying. If I went into detail I'd be here forever, but things reached a head and I didn't feel it was beneficial to anyone to continue. Had a year NC during which time I and DP/his family had almost constant harassment and manipulation to get in touch. It was very stressful. I had counselling who confirmed I had suffered emotional and borderline physical and sexual abuse. My Dad is the main abuser, my Mum enables. During this time something was told to the rest of my family, I don't know what. They now no longer speak to me.

My uncle died last year which my Mum got in touch about, and since then we have had limited contact through email. She sends cards and presents on birthdays etc, nothing is signed from my Dad. I have no contact with him at all.
I know no one can tell me what to do but I really don't know if anyone is benefitting or will benefit in the future from this. If I don't reply within a certain amount of time I get harassed by text, either being questioned or texts I think are to make me respond (I got a text the other day with a picture of her face covered in bruises, saying she fell into the bed?)
My cousin didn't invite me to their wedding which was a few weeks ago, I have had an email from my Mum with details, photos, and bitching about what she didn't like about it. I get reports on what everyone is doing as if I'm away on holiday, not as if I've been cut off. I recently mentioned how hurt I am that I no longer speak to them, and her response was for me to email them and apologise? She wants to talk on the phone but by the time I cut contact I was getting panic attacks when she called, I can't do it.
DP and I have talked about meeting up, but I don't want to see my Dad. I don't know if I ever want to see him again. I don't think my Mum would want to see us without him. We also have DC who have no idea who they are, because we wanted to protect them. I promised myself I'd never let them see me be bullied or belittled and I'm worried that I will end up putting them in a position where they see that situation at some point.
I know that if I cut contact again, I will be harassed, DP's family will probably be dragged into it again, I won't ever be left alone. But I don't feel like a relationship based on emails is sustainable forever, especially when I'm expected to reply within a couple of days. There's nothing to say. But the alternative honestly scares me. I can't put into words how much damage the harassment, manipulation of DP's family and cutting me off from my other relatives has done.
Can anyone offer any advice? I just don't know what to do.

Anyone?

I think you need to cut contact completely. For the sake of your mental health and for the protection of your DH and DC.

Do you feel you could report the abuse?
Could you look into counselling and legal advice?

I can't put into words how much damage the harassment, manipulation of DP's family and cutting me off from my other relatives has done. Can anyone offer any advice? I just don't know what to do.

That's awful. I am so sorry.

I cut contact with my parents four years ago and the first year was awful. They harassed me with phone calls, emails, everything. They plagued my husband with phone calls. They bitched about me to everyone who could listen. It was so hard.

At first I explained each time that I didn't want contact and tried to get them to understand. All that did was encourage them. So after a while I just hung up the phone if I answered and it was them, I ignored their emails, and eventually they gave up.

My life is so much better without them.

If you were getting panic attacks when your mother phoned then don't agree to speak to her on the phone.

If your mum won't agree to meet up with you without your dad being present, then she doesn't get to meet up with you. If she agrees to it be prepared for him to turn up with her anyway. They clearly don't respect your boundaries.

If they pester you to reply to their text and emails then tell them what you will and won't do. For example, say you'll read their messages once a week, on a Sunday, and will reply within 48 hours, and if you don't reply within that time they will not be getting a reply. And then stick to it. They will kick off at first, but be resolute. Don't respond with a "I told you I'll sort it out on Sundays", just ignore their chasing up and do what you've promised. They will eventually get the message.

It isn't easy. But if you stick to your guns they will realise you mean what you say.

Whether you should have contact with them or not is up to you. I have to say that I would not encourage it: they have harassed you, caused you so much damage, left you having panic attacks... that's really bad behaviour. What is there in your relationship that makes you feel loved, happy, gives you pleasure? If there's nothing, then why continue to expose yourself to their toxic ways?

Thank you for the responses. endoftheline I have had counselling, not sure what legal advice I could get? The harassment wasn't violent, it was just constant. For example, "you need to email us because we need to talk to you about our will" to my MIL- "we don't know what we have done, we're so worried" etc. Just manipulative. I don't know that I would get any protection for that.
Thank you for your advice, OnTheRise. It is helpful to know other people go through the same thing. I think I would be better off without the relationship, but I don't know how to instigate it again? How do I deal with the fallout again?

You must protect and prioritise your own mental health for your children's sake if not your own.

You think you are protecting your children but actually by still allowing these bullies to control and intimidate you they are still having a negative impact on your children via your mental health issues.

You simply tell them not to contact you ever again. Block them from social Media. Return letters unopened and then finally report to the police if they persist.

They won't change. You are better off out of it completely