Breaks my heart

[user1499288566]

When my babies dad comes to see our daughter , I cannot help but want to break down crying when he says goodbye and hugs her, and says got to go to work, I get upset heart broke. Because I wanted more for her, I want her to have her dad full time living with us , not keep saying goodbye , wish I could be stronger

Why? Are you not good enough for her? Plenty of us bring up children on our own and they don't miss out. I assume your ex has a good relationship with her and you are co-parenting well? Or is there more to the story?

I agree with the PP. You are good enough for her. It must be hard for you though, the structure at the moment, he comes over for a while and ''plays house'' and then leaves. That's not going to aid you to move on.

If I were you I would try and formalise his co parenting in a way that allows you to have some free time. You may not be ready for this yet but you will be and if you have got him in to the habit of taking your daughter (to his own home) once a week at least then you will in the future be free to build a life.

Single parent here. It's hard to let go of that social script that you must be in a family but let it go. x

Crying while writing this, I just don't know how to let go.i know in my heart I want out of this mess, this heartache and pain I carry. He has never made it easy .he has made a lot of bad decisions. 5 years on I'm still here mixed up heart broken, in limbo .I still carnt get past it

The constant contact isn't helping. How old is your child? Is it possible that you can arrange things so that he isn't coming in your house and saying these things in front of you?

Give us all the details and we will come up with a plan to minimise the distress for you.

Well she is 4, she has mild disability leaving her not fully using her left arm. He has never been alone with her, he lives half hour away or more but has to get taxis as he lost his licence for drink driving, so it's hard to meet at random places, as he either don't know where places are or it's adding on cost with taxis if it's further then my place. I'm all our daughter has fully known, iv gone through all the appointments and tests and helping her progress , he has been seen frequently like never gone over two weeks without seeing her , it's normally every weekend he sees her, I don't know how else to arrange this . His place int the best, he not very tidy and the cleanest , I worry he won't be hands on enough with her like I am, it don't feel right taking her and leaving her in my heart, hence why iv always made him welcome here, where she content and then if we wanted to take her anywhere or do something I'd drive, but this is the problem all these things make me feel like we still playing at being a family, and I keep thinking this int right how am I ment to get past this if I'm doing this every weekend

Yeah, you've got it - you're still doing things together as if you were a family, but you're not a family. No wonder it's so painful for you

I think you need to build up to him looking after her without you. Maybe start with just an hour where he takes her out to a park or softplay or swimming or McDonalds or whatever. And then gradually increase the time once he is used to looking after her and your trust in his ability to look after is built up. You don't have to commit to overnights if his place isn't suitable. Does he have family near by, he could take her to?

You are being really great to both of them, facilitating their relationship by having him in your home and driving them both places, but if it's so painful for you emotionally, you should maybe be a little bit more selfish.