How are friends meant to be?

[Eskimo16]

People seem to really not want to be my friend and I really dont know why. I am struggling to accept it and I feel there must be something wrong with me. I genuinely don't know what it could be and that makes me feel even worse. I'm 26, married, 6month old baby, work fulltime.

I joined a mothers group and after a few catch ups I got very sick and couldn't go, then our car broke down so I couldnt go to all the places they were meeting as it would take too long with the bus/train. I posted this on our FB group and they all saw it and no one even replied, no one even asked how I was :( I don't even know what I did... I'd ask a stranger if they were okay if they said they were really sick.

I text people and they reply, I get excited and reply back and then they disappear. It happens a fair bit with different people.

I even had a girl I thought was a friend from uni lie to me about having pneumonia when she didnt reply to my emails halfway through organising a catch up. I saw on her social media that she definitely didn't have pneumonia...

Not sure what I am asking but are your friends this rubbish and being friends? I keep trying with them because I like them and care for them but should I just let them go? I might end up with 2 friends then... Just sucks to care for people and feels like they dont really care at all about me.

Some people are just self absorbed OP. Making friends as an adult is really difficult I find. I have a group chat with my friends and sometimes Il lpost something and hours later someone will post something completely different and they all chat. It's strange, I don't know why that happens.

Anyway, sorry I don't have answers but you're definitely not alone in this.

Don't allow it to upset you or make you think you've done something wrong.

It sounds like you're not friends with the right people.

I found it really hard to make friends after having DD, still do and no idea why.

Could you try other groups? We can't click with everyone.

Hi Eskimo16, the first thing to say is its not you, it's them. So please don't think anything is wrong with you. The second thing is only invest energy in those friends who give you the same amount of investment back.friendship is a 2 way thing and certainly shouldn't be one sided. Also, as we get older, it does seem to be more difficult making new friends and keeping them. If i were you, sit down, make a list of all the things you're really interested in...hobbies, evening classes, sports to try out and then commit to joining one or 2 activities. Things you are passionate about will make you operate on a different level and you will find like- minded people who you will bounce off of. It takes time to establish friendship groups so don't be hard on yourself. In this day and age it seems to me that society has become very insular and almost a bit throw -away. People are glued to box sets so don't go out ( i like box sets but a healthy balance!) and social interaction seems to be on the decline! Look at meet up groups in your area and i wish you the best of luck and hope you find a decent bunch of friends.

It's odd isnt it Fauxtatoes how people just change or disappear, it's not how you'd treat someone in real life so why do it on email/text etc
Thanks Grooves, yeah but I thought I was friends with the right people...I guess I'm struggling to accept they don't see me like I see them. I feel naive that I believed them.

BornAgainScorpion I wonder why, did you join mothers groups too? I hate those now. Sometimes I just think well I don't care because my baby and my husband arw my friends...but I would like my own friends.

PutneyPandora I totally agree about society becoming less about getting out there and socialising and more about staying in your comfort zone. Thanks for your kind words, I really should have more confidence to think that if they don't treat me like a friend then it's okay to lose them

I have asd AND resting bitch face and find it almost impossible to make friends. I really tried this year too but I think the people I thought I connected with are just interested in talking 'to' me. I totally have no chill, it's so depressing. I've noticed that the really popular people are just super persistent, don't take how people treat them personally and just assume people like them. As try as I might I can't do that myself.