I have been working for Company X for two years, and have moved up to a decent position where I am pretty well regarded professionally and (I think) generally well liked. My best friends in the city I live/ work in also work for company X. Due to corporate reshuffling, my current job is being moved to another site that I don't wish to work at, so in approx 2 months time I will be moving to another role in our office that is basically being created for me to keep me and my expertise/ knowledge within the company. So far, so good, right?
I currently work with a lot of other Teams headed by different team leaders. Currently these team leaders are adjacent to me rank wise, however when I move role the plan is for me to eventually work alongside/ beneath these team leaders, potentially becoming one myself. One of them (whom I will call F) currently feeds me/ my co-workers work on a regular basis that is terrible and will often try and get us in trouble for his failures and poor job knowledge. He is also often grossly unprofessional, and often sets a poor example to his team. When F started he thought I was fantastic as a person and clearly fancied me a fair bit (he stated this openly to me when drunk one night) as I am pretty outgoing and confident and am perfectly capable in terms of keeping up with the sometimes lewd 'lad banter' that goes on at the pub on a Friday night.
Last Friday was our work summer party. I left early but my boyfriend stayed out with our mates. At some point during that evening, F approached my boyfriend and started saying a lot of really unpleasant stuff about me, apparently ranting on for a good 20 mins. My boyfriend, shocked at this, started to record F on his phone and sort of prompted F to re-iterate some stuff he said so he could have evidence to show me what F was saying. In the five minute recording he gave me F said the following
- I am too much' and had to be the centre of attention all be time
- I was all tits and cunt (exact words) and paraded 'it' around
-I thought that everyone liked me but no one did, including people who I thought were my best friends at work
-boyfriends housemate (who is/ was a good friend of mine) has particular issue with me
-I shouldn't engage in laddish conversations and banter because 'a girl shouldn't act like that'
-He thought my boyfriend 'should know' and he felt sorry for him because 'You're nice to her, because you're a nice guy, but you need to know', basically seemingly painting me as some slapper who no one likes who he thinks my boyfriend could do without. I should point out that F is also bisexual and my boyfriend feels F has tried flirting with him in the past.
Boyfriend is very concerned, based on the things F said and the vitriol with which he said them that this guy is going to be anywhere near a position of power over me in the future. I am obviously also concerned. To be honest, I'm also kind of hurt that boyfriend didn't seem to try and defend me at any point. He did go into evidence gathering mode to try and help me out I guess, but I feel like F may see boyfriend's muted response as a tacit approval to continue speaking about me like that in future (at office events no less!) and will be empowered by it. Am I right to be a little hurt and weirded out that boyfriend didn't defend me in any way? I also don't know where to go with this professionally and how to navigate this idiot in the workplace in future. Is this a case for HR, or do I keep quiet to avoid conflict in the workplace knowing someone who could be managing me holds me in such dislike and is brazen enough to trash talk me to my own partner?? I'm going to have to work closely with this person in the future, unless I just don't accept the move and instead go find a new job. What would you do, wise ladies of mumsnet?
tl;dr Boyfriend recorded someone who may be in a position of power over me at work in the near future ranting about how generally awful I am as a person. This happened at a work social event. Do I do anything about this professionally?