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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going NC - support needed!

3 replies

Bluepjs · 19/08/2017 22:41

Earlier in the week I finally ended a situation that was very bad for me - I had a close friendship with a man which was really confusing me as it was very emotionally intense but not going anywhere and it was always on his terms. I finally explained my feelings and told him that I didn't want to be friends anymore via email, and email which - as soon as I sent it - I felt really liberated and empowered by. He didn't reply apart from to acknowledge receipt. I didn't mind at the time as felt free.

Unfortunately I then saw him at a mutual friends' event (terrible timing) and we ended up talking about it and since that conversation have felt absolutely rotten as it appears he knew about my feelings the whole time, "saw this coming" and claims to have put up enough boundaries so it is basically all my fault, and told me he didn't reply to my email because he was busy watching YouTube videos the night he got it. Then he told me all about the girl he is dating and how attractive she is. In spite of all that we ended up leaving the conversation with agreement that once I have worked through my feelings maybe we can be friends again. I was nice to him the whole time like a sap as usual

I now really really want the last word as am upset and angry and hate the idea of him thinking I still fancy him (I don't after what feels like seeing his true self and am even more hurt now than I was before, when I just felt empowered) and feel shit. But I KNOW contact is a bad idea and will not end well and is undignified and really need to stick to my NC.

Does anyone have any advice about how to get through this? Anyone else struggling with NC and want to support each other? I need to be reminded contact is a bad idea ...

OP posts:
AvocadoQueen · 19/08/2017 22:59

All this man has done is try and assert himself as the one in control of the situation by making it seem as though he doesn't give a shit and he is above you.

No one does this unless they actually do give a shit (usually about feeling powerful though rather than you)

I imagine he thought he had you were he wanted you - adoring and admiring him - ready to run to him at a moments notice and when you told him actually that wasn't the case he was naffed off at being the loser.

Do not accept his attempt to reassert himself in your mind. You don't need to prove anything. The reasons why you ended it still stand, nothing's changed.

AvocadoQueen · 19/08/2017 23:00

By the way there is a NC thread running with lots of lovely ladies supporting each other

Bluepjs · 19/08/2017 23:08

That's really helpful thanks - when I think of it as a power thing it makes it easier. I think you're right as I went from feeling so empowered to having none

OP posts:
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