Find childcare so dull but feel bad for only child ?!

[likebeyoncedoes]

I have a three year old. I look after him very well and do lots of activities / days out/ fun stuff in the house but I find it so very boring and dull. I do have a career which I enjoy so I enjoy the intellectual stimulus of that. I have friends having baby no 2 and I just couldn't think of anything worse but at same time I feel bad for making my son an only child . I love him lots but can't shake the guilt. Anyone else felt this way?

I don't have any experience. All I can add is that I know loads of single children who have grown into happy individuals who has amazing childhoods. I also know plenty of people who don't speak to their siblings.

There is nothing wrong with being an only. It can be a positive experience or a negative one. Just like having siblings can go either way!

As long as your DC has a parent who loves him, and gets many opportunities to meet other kids and adults, he will thrive.

You do not have to have more than one child. Really, you just don't.

They do also say that psychologically, a gap of more than 3 years means the children functionally grow up as onlies in any case...

Oh really , that's interesting . My partner isn't particular fussed about a second so I think I should just make peace with it. I just assumed I'd enjoy being a parent more than I do

Gets so much better when they are about 6 and you can start doing interesting things so hang on.

DS is just 7 and an only. I'm so glad I don't also have a toddler to stop us doing the more grown up stuff we can do now.

Agree with PP, kids can be either happy or unhappy with or without siblings. Don't assume your DS will have an idyllic, unshakeable bond with a younger sibling. I know so many people who don't.

Aren't 40% of children onlies these days? I might not be correct, but I think I have hear this somewhere.

Also, more importantly Happy Mum = Happy Child

Yeah you're right , he's probably just best having a nice life on his own with friends than a miserable mum

stamp I'd be interested to see that study? My sister and I have a gap greater than 3 years and we played together all the time.
My friend and her sister are best mates and there's a 6 year age gap.
Most people I know have 3 year gaps due to child care costs/careers.

Being friends or having a bond with a sibling who isn't close in age to you, isn't the same as experiencing life as a sibling vs an only. You can experience life as an only child (because you didn't share your earliest years with a sibling), and still dearly love (or hate) your spaced sibling

Generally it's that a gap of under 3 years means a much higher degree of competitiveness between kids.

Gaps of 6+ and the younger will see the elder as a parent, not a peer. Which can mean a positive or negative relationship of course.

A gap of 3-6 years will mean less competition but also less of a peer. Which, again, doesn't mean they aren't friends. My sister and I are 4 years apart and don't get on. Others will be friends at the same gap.

www.nytimes.com/1989/08/31/garden/parent-child.html

What I mean is - it can be that a large gap actually means siblings are MORE likely to get on. A smaller gap can mean more conflict

You know what's really peaceful? An only child who only squabbles with peers at school... And leaves home life blissfully free of competition...!

That's true 😂

I love my sisters but I wish I was an only child for a whole raft of reasons.

My personal opinion is the stress an only child has when parents get elderly - And not having someone to share it with or simply "get it".

I've seen this first hand through my career and that would put me off personally.

I was an only until age 11 when DF remained and had 4 more children. I was very pleased to finally have siblings, even more so now that we're all adults. Hence I wanted more than one myself!

If you're sticking to one please make the effort to take a friend away on holiday with you as it can be bloody dull as an only on your own however exotic the location seems to be to the adults.

Because you haven't especially enjoyed the first 3 years, doesn't mean you won't really enjoy parenting a lot more as he gets older. Some parents like the new baby stage, or the pre-school stage and feel quite sad when they go to school. Others find those stages really hard going, but really enjoy the children a lot more once they can talk and reason and - dare I say - entertain themselves for short amounts of time.

You sound like my mum!!! She said I was very cute but bored shitless at home. I was the first and last. I have lots of very close friends who I consider to be my family. I'll never be on my own, I'm very lucky. Don't get me wrong over the years I would have liked a sibling at times but I know so many who really aren't that close. Also my relationship with my mum would probably be very different and I like it the way it is. She's my best mate.

They do also say that psychologically, a gap of more than 3 years means the children functionally grow up as onlies in any case.

I think this is a load of bollocks TBH, there are 5 years between my sister and I, and 12 years between my brother and I and I most certainly did not grow up as an only child!

Anyway op I'm in the same boat as you, don't really want another child but feel guilty, particularly as I'm really close to all my own siblings.

So no advice really but I understand!

I'm an only, first born DGC on both sides of the family so was fairly spoilt as a child and by all accounts had a pretty privileged upbringing. I'd have swapped it all in a heartbeat to have siblings though and for that reason I wouldn't willingly have an only child.

The stamp there is a gap of 5.5yrs between me and my sister and we feel very much like sisters

I had siblings close in age and it wasn't that great. A lot of fighting and competing for limited resources and attention from parents tbh.

My boys are 9 years apart and my oldest LOOOVES his brother and is an amazing help instead of bickering

I am one of 5 and although I love my siblings dearly, I have had 1 dd and that's it.

We can give her everything I never had. I did have quite a poor upbringing so maybe that has a lot to do with it. Our family motto is we were poor but happy lol. Which we were.

I am lucky that dd has a cousin who is only 6 months younger than her and they live close.

Dd is a lovely girl. Very caring, kind, considerate. Not selfish in any way, shape or form and. I'm 40 now so cba with the baby stage again. Dd is nearly 9 and me and dh have never regretted our decision once.

I also don't understand why people think when you get old, you suddenly become some elderly, frail, fragile person who benefits from having more than one kid so they can share the burden of tending to you. What a shit reason to have more than one child.

I think it's more for the only child with the burden of caring for elderly parents, not so the parents have more help. I dread the day I have to sort out funeral arrangements on my own.