5 1/2 years in...

[chamenanged30]

We've been together 5.5 years, we have two kids.

Just wondered what other people's relationships are like after such a duration. It's not all rainbows and unicorns here by any means. A lot of the time is just blah. We're happy, we argue like all couples do but we're ok. Should I still be starry eyed?

No of course not don't be daft love.
It's perfectly normal don't even worry about it.

We have been together 5.5 years, no children, couple of cats, a mortgage, a wedding, bi-annual holiday, 4 job changes, 2 bereavements and countless squabbles.

Currently our relationship is amazing and I get excited about coming home and seeing him. It's the first time in 3 years we haven't had wedding or house buying stress and hasn't always been this easy.

However, our relationship is different to yours as we have no children. Our time is our time and I would imagine if we had children our life will change massively.

Don't compare your relationship to others as everyone has different experience and is in a different place.

No, you sound perfectly normal to me.

We have young kids and sometimes argue over who gets to go to Tesco - lol!

4.5 years in, not starry eyed but a different happy kind of love. ups and downs, good times, great times and just OK times, bad times and terrible times. 1 baby and 1 furry baby

9 years in, 2 kids & morgage.. I'm defo way past being starry eyed! We have good times, bad times.. can't really think of any amazing times in the last couple of years though.. life just ticks on.

Being starry eyed is not real love, it's infatuation.

I'd hate the starry eyed bit. That isn't real

Been married 3.5 years, together 6 years? Ish?

1 DC aged 8 (mine from prev relationship).

Agree, not starry eyed, but still good, still happy. I wouldn't describe it as meh. We've had a hard time recently with miscarriages, infertility, financial stress, injuries and family illness and other plans not going quite right but we've always been supporting each other. It's been so nice to have him there. I still enjoy spending time together and though we do sometimes argue it's definitely a rarity and we've always been able to resolve the issue within (maximum) a couple of days. Most of our arguments in the end come down to having been misunderstandings. I think it helps that neither of us are competitive personalities and so when we argue it tends to be much more "I don't understand where you're coming from and I want to, because what you're saying doesn't make sense" rather than "You're wrong, and I need to win by forcing you to submit to what I've decided". The main area where we tend to come down on having totally different beliefs in the first place is parenting. But even then we usually find some common ground eventually, it just takes longer of that digging and trying to understand the other person's viewpoint.

I think it's not good to be starry eyed because that means you're placing your partner on an impossible pedestal that no human can really reach. It's better to have a real view of them but it should be a favourable one. I love DH and yeah he's human and has human faults but they're not big things. I wish he would be a bit more social sometimes but he doesn't have any issues with me going out, so we just do our own thing. He plays computer games but that doesn't bother me because I play computer games too. He is a terrible cook but I'm no michelin chef or huge foodie so we just laugh about it. I worry about the way he will sacrifice his own well being sometimes under the worry that other people might be inconvenienced. But I love the way he is with me and the way he is with DS and find the way that he acts in most situations admirable. He encourages me and pushes me to be a better person than I'd probably bother to be on my own I do think he's probably a bit of a better person than me in general which is probably not a healthy belief to have but I think this is probably my own low self esteem talking, and I'm working on it.

Most importantly I feel totally safe and like I can be myself with him. Plus I know you shouldn't compare but I sometimes read threads on here (not abuse ones but niggles about housework or childcare or something) and think "I'm so glad he's not like that" or even I look at some other man I know, a colleague or a friend's husband etc, and he's probably a perfectly nice man but there's a certain thing which just makes me think gah, I could never live with that. DH gets me (most of the time) and we fit together well and his faults are completely tolerable. And I think that's probably what makes a good long term relationship.

Also, I tend to think of it like: Navigating life and particularly raising children is easier to do in a partnership, mainly because the world is set up so that it's easier but also partly because it just is, you share the work, you share the emotional burden, you can pass roles between yourselves, one person can hold the fort if the other is struggling or needs space or wants to branch out to try something new. If you take love and sex out of that equation and imagine you're looking for a kind of business partner or venture partner what kind of person would you want to have as your partner for a role like that?

It would have to be someone who's reliable, who's trustworthy, who's willing to put about as much work as you are into it, even if they contribute different things (too much more and you'll feel lazy, too much less and you'll feel burdened), who you can talk openly to, who you can relax with, and they need to be someone who has qualities you admire, who's going to bring something different to the partnership than you can offer yourself, someone who makes you feel good, confident and competent, and then you'll be spending a lot of your downtime with them too so you've got to enjoy spending time with them and make sure that they don't drive you crazy or drain your energy. And so once you get to that point, that last tick on the checkbox if you like you can add sexual attraction and compatibility, but I think with decent communication and enjoying time together and all the rest of it, actually, the love and good mutual sex comes from those things, and so I think it's a bit backwards that we go looking for love and sexual attraction first. We should probably be a bit more practical in the first instance, and worry about whether the sex sorts itself out later.

Hmm. 5 1/2 years in was still good, no kids, cash flow and time to enjoy it. After 7 years in my OH went off to a work do with a condom in his pocket. Twat.
Hopefully yours isn't as arrogant, entitled and selfish.

48 years in.
Recently retired and still starry eyed hence the late posting.

15 years with one DS. Never been starry-eyed, just relaxed and comfortable.

All the truly passionate relationships I've had have been disastrous.

I read an article not long ago proposing that most relationships end due to unmet expectations. I think people who expect fireworks and passion to last 20+ years will be disappointed (unless very lucky!)

7 years in, mortgage, 1 child, 1 on the way. Not starry eyed in the slightest, he's burped and farted far too much this morning for me to particularly like him at the moment. But we've just had a tough 10 days with problems being spotted at DC2's 20 week scan and an amniocentesis that we waiting for the results for. I couldn't have got through this far without him and would not want to even contemplate the possibility of facing what the future might hold without him being there with me. It's a very different relationship to when we'd known each other 6 months, that was starry eyed, but I wouldn't have had the confidence and security in him that I do now.

Nearly 8 years in here, two dc, mortgage, health scares, one child is disabled etc. Of course it's not all hearts and flowers but there's no one else I would rather spend my life with. For me that's the truest true love.

Late-DH (who at that stage was unwell with inoperable cancer, but at that point in time just recovering from radiotherapy and had been recently told his life expectancy could be 2-4 years. I'm ignoring the impact the cancer had on our lives, and thinking about the essence of our relationship.)

When we'd been together 5.5 years (we'd lived together around 4 years at that point, with my two children) our relationship itself was fantastic.
We had not long got married and my feeling about him were that he was my "home", my whole being was just happier when I was with him.
Over the course of our relationship we had one bone of contention, which was more a niggle (to me) rather than an issue, and had had one serious argument about an another issue which we resolved in a few days, other than that we hadn't argued really at all.
Our relationship had just been getting better and better over the last few years, he was my best friend, I think I was his.
The sex was amazing - physically it had always been good but the last few years it was such an emotionally bonding thing as well as physically satisfying.
If it hadn't been for the cancer I'd have said we'd have been starry eyed. About 10 months earlier (before he was diagnosed and when we'd just decided to get married) he'd told me that he felt like the luckiest man alive and that he had almost everything he could have wanted for.

ExH - together from beginning of 2nd year at uni so 5.5 years in I'd just finished my professional qualifications, we'd got a house together and a dog and looking back I think say we were happy.
There were much more niggles (on my side) than with late-DH at the same stage. I'm sure that some, although not all, of that was due to my immaturity (I was nearly 20 years older at that stage with late-DH).
I'd say we definitely were not starry eyed.

Ok cool. Thanks all. So yes we have two kids, we're getting married in 7 weeks and currently moving up onto the second rung of the property ladder. Even though it's not all rose coloured glasses, I'm glad we've got each other.

It was our 6 year anniversary yesterday. We're married and have a mortgage together. I wouldn't say our relationship's ever been "blah" and I'm extremely fortunate for that. He's my best friend, my rock and we have a really affectionate, loving relationship where that starry-eyed feeling has never faded. At times there has been considerable stress and heartache - DH has a highly pressured job which really drains him at times, money is a constant worry, I've struggled with constant pain due to a trapped nerve in my back and we lost our son very recently but throughout all this we've grown from strength to strength and feel more bonded than ever. I couldn't imagine life without him.

5.5 years in, living together, married, both struggling career wise but TTC# 2 because we spent the best part of 3 years putting plans on hold because our luck had began to turn sour. Now we've agreed to just go for it. As long as our little family is healthy & happy, we're fine.

Catra