AIBU? Not wanting to reconcile

[coconutsmoothie]

There is a huge backstory about this situation. In a nutshell I no longer speak to my sister and am a LOT happier not having to see her...however, my parents are very upset about the situation and have asked that we 'stop all this'. I have nc as it's all very outing.
My sister is 3 years older and I've recently come to realise, whilst in therapy that she has always been extremely envious of me- god knows why!? She has tried to taint every big occasion in my life to date, buying my first home, engagement, wedding etc.

I then got pregnant and sadly had a late miscarriage. I was devastated, to this day it still hurts me. She lives 15 minutes away and didn't care to say anything to me, because as I've recently found out through my parents, she was upset to hear that I was trying, she gave zero fucks that I lost my baby. At this point she was engaged but not yet planning children. She didn't even say she was sorry to hear about it. She just justified her no contact to my parents because she is worried it will happen to her one day and doesn't want to hear about it.

Then when I was pregnant again with my now DD, she didn't congratulate me, snubbed every scan pic at family meals, never asked about my pregnancy. My family are big on regular gatherings to I saw her several times and she never once asked.
When my DD was born I called to tell her the name and she didn't give a shit, just said "oh right". Turns out she was livid I nicked "her" baby name, even though I'd never discussed names with her and didn't know she had that name on her "list". Following lots of other dramas I decided to go no contact with her and not go to her wedding because I don't want my DD witnessing her behaviour and it was fucking exhausting putting up with her. I've been so much happier since and finally feel free of her negativity.

My parents are fed up with the disagreement now and have told me to apologise to her for not going to her wedding and to make up because they aren't having separate celebrations for things. She is the golden child, hence why I've been in therapy dealing with a lot of anxiety issues.
It ended up in a rather blunt discussion about how I feel about her. They admitted they were easier on her because she sulks for so long if she doesn't get her own way and they always rely on me to put up with it. My point is that this isn't my issue- they created a monster who is 31 years old and still behaving like a 5 year old.
Why should I bother? I want to make them happy but ultimately I can't help but feel they are partly to blame for her behaviour.
AIBU to stay as I am- no contact with her?

YANBU but prepared to be ostracised by your parents. Yes they are to blame to facilitate her behaviour and are rather toxic themselves.

She sounds too spoilt sorry not your fault if your happy without her in your life let her go

YANBU but family always want everyone getting on so just be prepared to be the lone wolf, so to speak!

My sister is a monster too, made wholly by my parents. For 40 years I was told we are both as bad as each other! I'm the easy going one who always sorted things out. Until 2 years ago when she did something so vile to me and my DM that the blinkers fell off everyone in the family, Finally!! I am now NC with her. I know however that one day she will destroy me, she knows things that I've confided in her that she is waiting for her moment to 'unveil'. Deeply personal things in which I was the victim but she can't stand that. She's actually a family support worker but she has not a shred of empathy in her being, at all! After years and years of her terrorising me I hate her! My life is happier without her and although I'm sad for the family and it makes things awkward I'm so so glad that they all now see what she is! She's utterly vile

YANBU 100%. She sounds toxic.

How will you deal with family occasions?

I feel exactly the same about my sister.... I was always the one that had to forgive her horrifce behaviour time and time again. Last year I said no more... sadly have seen niece or mum since but I had no choice in the matter - my mental health was at stake and they were taking me for granted!

Sadly, by expecting you to pander to her, they don't want YOU to be happy.

Life sounds so much better without her. They need to respect your wishes or do one.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to deal with family occasions to be honest. I can't bear being in the same room as her. I think sadly I'll probably be the one to lose out and not see my parents as often. Although I prefer to keep a bit more distance these days.
They were extremely controlling growing up and speaking to my therapist has opened my eyes to it all.
The discussion turned into them both verbally attacking me, raising their voices and pushing me into a corner to back down. They were stunned when I calmly said that if they were going to continue with the aggressive confrontation, I was going to leave and wouldn't be making any efforts to see them because I deserve to be treated with respect. They seemed to shit themselves a little and were more open to listening to me after that. But still seem intent on putting their happiness before mine.

JK- sorry to hear your sister is so awful. I'm pleased the blinkers finally fell off and she showed her true colours.