I have nothing to offer a relationship

[forestgreens]

My career died. I am overweight, although I am slowly losing it but even then I am just an average woman. I am in debt.

I'm going to be single forever, aren't I?

Whats wrong with being single?

There's nothing wrong with being single. And there is equally nothing wrong with being in a relationship. MN loves to go on about how marvellous being single is, and it can be, but some people do want a relationship and may feel lonely if not in one.
OP how old are you? Have you been in a relationship before?

Focus on your career, your weight, exercise more, take steps to manage your debt. Have fun with friends.

Whats your situation? Have you got kids?

Focus on your career, your weight, exercise more, take steps to manage your debt. Have fun with friends.

Whats your situation? Have you got kids?

Most people are average, most people have debts, and quite a few people (if not most) are somewhat overweight. Are you have been looking in the right places?

I felt like you did. I rent (which some people get put off by) I am in huge debt (in a DMP) I am a lone parent. My car is crap.
I felt I'd be single forever. I was also drinking heavily.
I stopped drinking. So I took up exercise. That made my mood better. I also rebuilt my work life. Gradually my negative thoughts lifted. I managed to meet someone and I'm engaged now. Its a very long story but when I felt low there was no way I could have 'offered' anything. But it was all small changes that gradually shifted my thinking no onewill want me to fuck me I'm a right catch.
What one small change could you make? You'd be surprised how quickly everything else falls into place

You have so much to give to a relationship, love , companionship , loyalty, faithfulness, trust, friendship to name but a few, come on OP don't be so down on yourself. I am sure there are loads of people who would love a relationship with you , Good Luck.

You sound so unhappy but make changes for yourself not to get a man. The rest will follow if you feel better about yourself.

And yes, it is OK to bring single. I have chosen it since my divorce. I prefer simple life getting myself back for now.

these are all outward/status attributes, OP - more relevant in the work world / socialising, I'd say. For relationships you need to have a good heart, some intelligence, to offer moral support/caring, have compatible huumour. As for the attraction = no recipe for that, you just need the chemistry).
So yes by all means start exercising gradually, but it's really not about the appearances, if you want a worthwhile man.

It is OK to be single, I have chosen to be for the time being. I do want a relationship but for now I'm focusing on myself. Like you I'm trying to lose weight and improve my self overall to feel more confident in my own skin.

As for what you can offer... you are managing to lose weight, that shows some you are a committed and responsible person, you set goals and work to achieve them. You have posted in this forum, proving you are articulate and can communicate how you feel.

Just the few qualities mentioned above are what you can bring to a relationship, and that's without me not really knowing anything about you!

It can feel like a long and lonely road, but if you focus on the qualities you have and work on your goals ,things will happen for you..

I agree make changes that will make you happy not to get a man. I'm sure you have lots of lovely qualities to bring to a relationship but you need to be happy for those things to shine. Do what makes you happy and I'm sure you will find someone worth sharing all of those lovely qualities with.

I know it's okay to be single, but still, being like this for the next however many years is a miserable thought.

Tbere are a lot of people out there in relationships who are all sorts of things. Have you looked around you recently? Take things one step at a time. Do things for you. Loving and taking care of yourself is very attractive.

Stop thinking miserable thoughts.

sirbob don't be so flippant. It's not as simple as just stopping thinking negative thoughts. If they're ingrained/have been around for a long time, it's not going to be an easy matter to just stop. If it was really that simple no one would suffer from low self esteem or mental health issues.

Learn to love yourself 1000% and then look to share your positiveness with friends and family. Everyone has something to offer. I know it's not always easy and it takes time. Enjoy the small things in life. Take one day at a time

I don't think some of the replies on here are very helpful.

Someone posts saying that she is concerned she has nothing to offer a relationship and is worried she'll always be single, and the first couple of replies are essentially agreeing with her and telling her to be happy being single!

forest it is easy to think like this. I'm in a similar boat. I have a first class degree and a masters qualification. I am in a profession but, due to AS, I am earning way below my potential and won't have the same career progression/earning potential as other people in the same job. After a long abusive relationship, I have emotional and financial. I rent. I'm overweight and over 40. All of my friends are well educated, well qualified and at the top of their fields; often retiring early. As are most of the people I meet. Most of the men I meet want more than I have to offer.

But I met someone recently. He has autism, no formal qualifications and limited earning potential. He is younger, slimmer and better looking than me. He is kind, honest, straightforward, resilient and genuine.

He says that his life is better for having me in it. We've become pretty much inseparable. I don't think anyone would have predicted or forseen it. I certainly wouldn't and I know that he didn't. Is it perfect? No, but then no one is and no relationship is. And it's clearly very early days but, at the moment, it is lovely.

So it can happen.

What I would suggest you do is write down everything about yourself. Create a 'pen portrait' about yourself. List all of your qualities, characteristics, hobbies, interests, values, standards, relationship must haves and dealbreakers. Really think about it and understand yourself.

Everything from the type of diet you eat - does it need an overhaul, what does it 'say' about you? to the TV programmes you watch. To how much exercise you do. To your political beliefs...

Are you happy with them? Do you want to change any of it?

What sort of person are you/would you like to be?

A yoga practising vegan?
A glamorous woman who is perfectly made up with high heels every day?
Well read and 'intellectual'?
Someone who attends classical music concerts; small pub gigs with unsigned bands; festivals; mainstream pop music?
What is your 'image'? Are you happy with it? Do you want an overhaul?
What are your political beliefs? Are you politically active locally? Would you like to be?
Do you volunteer? What's your social attitude?

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words, what would they be? What would you like them to be?

You have reduced yourself to no career, average, overweight and in debt, you are so much more than that, you have just lost sight of it.

Easy things you can do today (if you don't already do them) that would make a big difference to the way you think/feel about yourself:

BBC Good Food website - sign up and search healthy, interesting recipes you'd like to try.
MyFitnessPal - download the app and start logging your food.
Couch to 5k - download the app and get a pair of trainers. Alternatively, go out for a 20 minute walk.
Buy a pair of tweezers and do your eyebrows.
Have a relaxing soak in the bath.

Start your pen portrait. Reacquaint youself with you and who you are. Learn to like and love yourself and value your qualities.

being like this

You seem to think being in a relationship will 'fix' everything? You don't need to be like any of the things you are now, but it will take work not to be those things. You already know that because you're making progress on losing weight, well done! How are you doing with tackling the debt?