I just want to run away from my dysfunctional family

[ilovewelshrarebit123]

My dad has just tried to assault me, he raised his fist and tried to punch me in the face.

I've posted before about him verbally and emotionally abusing my mum. Everyone told me to help her to leave, but she won't.

She's very unwell and has a terminal condition that is getting worse. She's just come out of hospital and he is having to do a lot for her. She can't cook, or move around much. He makes it very clear that he's doing it reluctantly and he is absolutely vile to her. he's hostile, calls her names and does the bare minimum he has to.

I'm a single mum and work 30 hours a week. I clean their house weekly for them, iron, wash and generally try to help as much as possible.

My brother is married and does nothing. She was in hospital for 10 days and he visited once and hasn't called her or been to the house since she came home. He works full time and uses the 'too busy' excuse and he'd also aggressive if challenged. We both live in the same town and my parents are 3 miles away.

I tried to discuss the unfairness of this with my dad and he flipped. Told me I was a disgrace, a shit mum, it was none of my business and to get out of his house.

I refused to leave until I'd finished helping my mum and he ripped my bag out of my hands and threw it outside. He then tried to man handle me out of the house and went to punch me.

I told him if he laid another finger on me I'd call the police.

He then stood over my mum screaming at her to tell me to leave, and she wouldn't.

Some of things he said about me can't be taken back and were just awful. He says he despises me, I'm a disgrace and I'm dead to him and he will never utter another word to me.

I believe this as he doesn't speak to his own mother or brothers as they've supposedly upset him. This man is in his middle 70's and he spends his whole life bitching about people and putting the knife in their back. He is extremely unpleasant to people in banks, shops etc but can see nothing wrong with his behaviour.

He's also told me I'm not to go to the house anymore. My mum isn't in a position to leave as she's too unwell.

I just don't know what to do about her, he's likely to flip again if I go there but I have to see her to make sure she's ok, but she won't stand up to him.

Any advice appreciated as I'm at the end of my tether with it all. I resent my brothers charmed life and how he doesn't give a shit

Sounds like your db is modelling himself on your dad.

Can you talk to her healthcare providers about what's happening? She surely fits the vulnerable person criteria?

Maybe your brother knows he cannot make your mum leave your dad. If she won't leave, why are you putting yourself in the firing line. Your mother is an adult. If she chooses to stay, it's her choice

Sounds really tough for you

Could you drop a note into her GP - they won't let you know anything but we have in the past let the GP know about a vulnerable person in our family and they did a home visit and sought to put other services in place

How about social services or district nursing team for more general support if she is unwell and it is getting worse for assessments for support?

Call social services and arrange care for her. She is in danger.

I spoke to a nurse in the hospital and told her mum wasn't telling them truth about what support she has at home.

She lies and makes out he's helping her, she's knows it not the truth but won't accept help. Nurse says unless she admits it they can't do anything, which is right.

She is a grown woman but a beaten down woman who has no fight left. She tells me what he's been like so puts me in a difficult position.

When she was admitted to hospital this was only because I called an ambulance. He'd left her all day and night, she couldn't speak or breathe properly so couldn't call for help.

She was very unwell and he didn't care, when I got there she had blue lips, grey nails and the paramedic was very concerned.

He hates her that much, that much that he left her and didn't check to see why she's been in bed for two days and not left her room.

This is why I put myself in the firing line!

But your own mental health is suffering. At what point do you stop? When you have been assaulted? End up in a psychiatric unit following a breakdown. And for what? She won't leave. I can't imagine the pain you are in seeing your mother go through this, but you have a responsibility to your own children. As others have said, contact her GP but it is her choice to stay. I'm sorry if I sounded flippant, I'm concerned for you.