Defining abuse

[Islandlife07]

He is 20 years old, Very charming and intelligent, attending a top uk university. We live apart and only see each other a few days a month. However in the last 18 months (the length of our relationship), he once punched me repeatedly and hard in the upper arm as he drove, spit on me in front of an acquaintance, slapped me around the face, slightly split my lip in public, punched my thigh hard, held a car lock deicer against my finger for a moment, pushed me off a bed when I was upset, and other things. He can be verbally cruel as well. but also very sweet. But my gosh writing this down is making me see how crazy it must sound. Could he change as he matures?

Stopping by to send love

Believe me his behaviour will only get worse and worse, the best thing you can do is get yourself out of this relationship before the inevitable EA kicks in and makes you feel like you can't leave. Be strong

Thank you so much Aufder and Winter. Yes it does sound exactly like what you describe. You can't quite believe it's happening and you don't know how to respond when it does. Everyone thinks he's wonderful, and we do have mutual 'friends', so I'm going to be very very careful but start to disengage.I've got to do it I know now. But then he gets away with it all, and could do it to someone else....does anyone know whether people can flag these things up with the police, but not press charges, just as a sort of marker in the sand in case he's reported again...i just don't know....I bet there are so many people in this situation. Thank you again for taking time to respond earlier on

If you make a report to the police, even without giving a formal statement, he will be interviewed, possibly arrested, for the allegations. And quite rightly so. He has repeatedly assaulted you and should be made to face the music for his actions. This would be the best way to protect yourself and others from him. Could you find the courage inside yourself to pick up that phone and call 101?

You can't make him change his behaviours, and if you try to warn his future friends against him he'll say it's just sour grapes because he split up with you.

Your best way to protect both you and any women he sees in the future is to report him to the police and be prepared to give evidence if they decide to prosecute.

I'm going to be very very careful but start to disengage.

No, don't "start to disengage".

He's dangerous and abusive, and it's a common thing for dangerous, abusive men to get more dangerous and abusive when they sense their partners are disengaging from them. If he realises you are withdrawing from him you are going to be in a lot more danger than you are in now--and you're already in a very dangerous place.

Tell him it's over, tell him you don't want to ever hear from him again, then block him from your phone, email, and social media. And do it now. Right now.

Preferably tell him it's over by text, so you don't have to deal with his inevitable explosion when he hears the news. If you have to do so face to faceand I really, really wouldn't advise itmake sure you're somewhere busy and public, and that he doesn't have anything at your place that he could insist on going back for. You do not want to risk being alone with him now.

Thank you on the rise. I am going to make that clean break. I still cannot believe this has happened - to let it get to this. I will not be alone with him. I don't live alone either, which is good. Thank you for your help and support, and your straight talking