I know I'm an idiot

[YorkshireGirl2016]

So, I will try and keep this short..only posted once before.
I have been with my husband for 10 years and I know I should leave but so scared of being alone. Scared that I will never find anyone else. Scared that I won't have children.
I don't have any family or friends..he is my life.
Our relationship has not been easy...when we met he sold drugs, didn't have a job but he changed his ways...got a job and things were better.
I then I found out he had a serious drug addiction, which he had been hiding for about 18 months...supported him through rehab, relapsing, looking after his children, losing his job...all the lies and deception. Coming home from work with him collapsed from taking too much. Things got a little better..he got a job...then he has just relapsed again. Says he doesn't know what my problem is...it's his body and sometimes he just needs to as it makes him forget all his worries.

I am really trying my best to hold this altogether, he works but doesn't pay anything towards the house/bills etc. I work really hard and have a successful career and I've kept all this to myself for about 3 years now. I haven't spoken to anyone and feel like I'm drowning.

We spend our weekends like this...I look after his children and he sleeps all weekend. I feel like I'm wasting my life but too scared to make a decision...what will happen to him

@YorkshireGirl2016

Therapy time? Do you mean woman's aid? I wasn't really brought up to talk about feelings or confide in people. I was brought up to keep everything in the home. I think that's why it has been going on for so long

I was brought up the same way. There was domestic violence in my house and we never really discussed it and my folks never did couples counseling, my mom didn’t have individual therapy nor did I get any because our family “didn’t do therapy” either. As an adult I wish my parents at least have put me in counseling as I think it would’ve made a difference in all the life choices I’ve made over the years. I do believe I’d be in a better place mentally, career wise, and relationship wise if I’d done counseling. I think you should at least try.