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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to end this once and for all

10 replies

Itsgettingbetter · 19/08/2017 13:10

I'm looking for advice on how to disentangle myself. I've been in a casual/FWB relationship for almost 6 years. I see myself as single although all this time he has been in the background, happy to see me if I contact him. He is 50, divorced and enjoys his independence.

As a lone parent and student it has been very convenient but time has flown by (I recently posted about being 36 and single). On one hand, sex with him is the best I've ever had, it keeps improving with time and it helps satisfy my a high sex drive. On the surface it seems like a good arrangement in the context of my current hermetic lifestyle, plus we get on well as friends. But on the other, I resent him for not being what I really want as a partner. He claims to love me but has never sought to formalise the relationship, staying on the periphery of my life. We started dating but I wasn't in a good place at the time so slipped into being friends and casual lovers. While he appears to do this with ease, I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. I want out.

I've tried to end it numerous times but he always welcomes me back and doesn't take my concerns seriously anymore as I never disappear for long. I find the confusion distracting and my lack of self control in this area dispiriting. I've blocked him today (as I've done before) but feel guilty as we are good friends. How can I make a clean break and be available for something truly life affirming when the time is right?

OP posts:
WWYD17 · 19/08/2017 13:16

This man is not your friend. A true friend would listen to your concerns and stop sleeping with you so that you can move on and meet someone who can give you the relationship you deserve.

Well done for blocking. Now do not contact him again!

Aperolspritzer123 · 19/08/2017 13:27

OP this is all going to have to come from you. You need to find your inner strength to break this addiction as why would he? He's in a perfect position! He's never going to back off! You need to see how damaging this is for you and fuck the guy off once and for all. Once you get some space you will wonder what the hell you were thinking (been in a similar situation and I still now feel annoyed with myself for it! Never again!) and maybe you'll be open to finding someone who actually makes you feel valued and gives you what you need in a relationship. Good luck. Why don't you try the 30 day no contact thread?

Itsgettingbetter · 19/08/2017 14:20

Thanks Aperol wasn't aware of the no contact thread. What a supportive space this is Smile

OP posts:
lasttimeround · 19/08/2017 15:47

Buy a really good vibrator and then stop seeing him.

And if he really was your friend he'd respect your wishes and not turn your relationship back into fwb.

patandjess · 19/08/2017 18:01

How often do you see him OP?

Itsgettingbetter · 19/08/2017 18:28

When we're in a routine, about once a week. I was doing all the legwork visiting him at home. He rarely visited me and wouldn't do anything together that cost money.

OP posts:
BriaTharren · 19/08/2017 18:34

I feel like I could have written this. I'm currently on 27 days no contact and have not physically seen him since 13 July. We have been in this "relationship" for 13 years. I feel like such a mug.

Aperolspritzer123 · 19/08/2017 20:54

Op without this site I wouldnt have got rid of my emotionally abusive ex husband!! That's how supportive it is!!!
The women on here are badasses. Listen to them.
You can do this - there are loads of us going through it or similar Flowers

Aperolspritzer123 · 19/08/2017 20:54

Well done Bria

Itsgettingbetter · 19/08/2017 22:03

Keep going Bria, well done! The time passes by before you know it but I believe life can change at any point, we can turn this around!

Thanks again Aperol

OP posts:
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