No longer attracted to dh

[longingformore]

I feel so guilty writing this, but I feel I need to talk about it.

Dh and I have been together for 7 years, and are married with a toddler. We are very happy, close and best friends.

But over time, I've come to realise I'm not attracted to dh like I was. I no longer get butterflies when I kiss him, and (although we have an active sex life) I just don't feel into it. I never say anything, but I often wish it would stop. I still find dh an attractive man, but don't feel attracted to him like I used to.

I hate feeling like this, but would never want to hurt him by telling him, as I know he still finds me very attractive. Will I feel like this forever?

Longing, could it be the fact that life has become habitual that has caused some of this do you think?

Dp and I have been together for 5 years and I sometimes feel as you do, I think it is boredom of the humdrum of life more than anything.

Do you have family or friends who could have dc for a night and you guys go out, maybe set it up like a date so maybe one of you get ready away from home (maybe book a hotel room.) arrange a time and place to meet up, have a proper date and see where things go.

After any length of time I think it is unreasonable to expect that that butterfly feeling will remain unless an effort is made to maintain it.

I went honest replies, so I didn't think that was harsh at all. I really do love him - I love spending time with him, I love our family life, and I simply couldn't imagine us not being together. I think I do need to gently bring this up, but I know how hurt he'll be if I do. We were very serious from the moment we got together, and also got married very young. I don't know why I've never been honest with myself about my feelings until now. It's just so unfair on him, and he deserves so much more than this. I think right now he's totally oblivious - he still seems to really fancy me and thinks we have a great sex life, which I admit I've definitely encouraged him to believe.

We don't live near family and never have anyone to babysit her (dh in particular is very picky about who we leave our dc with, so we never really do). Next time family visit or vice versa, I need to insist we have a date together. It's something I always mention when we have a chance, but it never ends up happening as dh thinks we should enjoy the quality time with our family when we see them. But I feel it's lead me to seeing him as 'dad' and 'loving provider', and not my husband or as his own person as much as I'd like. I'm also encouraging him in a new hobby, as we literally spend every moment together when he's not working, and I feel we're too insular.

Sorry, that should say I want honest replies*

Maybe you are just very tired? Too tired for secual attraction-are you attracted to anyone else?

I think I was on the other side of your situation.

I'd talk to him. He'll quite likely be heartbroken, but also already aware of a problem on some level that he maybe can't define.

The way you talk about him I'd be surprised if he doesn't want to work on it with you, but the only way is to take that risk and talk.

If you do find a way to do date nights I'd recommend sticking to them religiously for an agreed number of weeks, no excuses and no rain checks. It takes time for them to not feel awkward.

I hope it works out well for you both, whatever that looks like.

Thank you, I need to think of what to say as it will be really hard, I don't even know if I'll have the courage to but it's unfair on him.

I'm not attracted to anyone else we know, no.

The way you say it is important too.
Avoid subtlety, say it clearly so he understands. Say the same thing using different words to make sure he doesn't misinterpret it.

To do that you need to understand it yourself, and to understand what (if anything) you want to do about it.

I really sympathize, it's not going to be easy. It's not your "fault" either so be gentle with both of you, and he should do the same.

Thank you, people have been really understanding. I didn't chose to feel this way, but should have acknowledged these feelings long ago. Maybe it's just easier to ignore them, rather than risk everything.

I'm thinking about what I want to say to Dh. I sometimes worry my eyes tell a different story to my mouth if that makes sense, and I know I can't ignore how I feel forever.