husband on escort sites

[chinadoll17]

Hi, I’m new on here. I found this site while looking for Adultwork. There seems to be a lot of wives and girlfriends affected by this awful site. I found my husband has/had an account on there. I have been married 4 years. We are senior citizens (yes, even old men use this site!). This is my 4th marriage, not as bad as it sounds, divorced from an abusive man when young and then 2 subsequent happy marriages to lovely men, who both died. My present husband was very loving and attentive before we were married. Soon after the wedding however he changed (I suspect he had been doing the ‘love bombing’ I’ve read about). He withholds sex, intimacy and affection. He won’t even sit with me on the sofa. Always sits the other side of the room, unlike before we were married. Anyway some time ago I saw an email from Adultwork and also another from Adultway (this doesn’t seem to be so well known). I’d never heard of these but thought it sounded dodgy, so questioned him about it.

Yes, once you got married, your will became invalid, meaning that if you die before making a new one and getting divorced, he will inherit a large chunk of your estate under the laws of intestacy.

So I advise you get a new will done ASAP.

Leave him before this gets worse.

You poor lady . You deserve so much better than this sleaze bag . Please leave him asap . He sounds disgusting and very selfish

Get a new will done before you mention anything to him

Thank you for the info on the will. I didn't realize this. I will get on to it asap.

Sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation, OP, he sounds awful and
a prize liability.
If I were you I’d get the divorce rolling pronto - it could be all done and dusted by Christmas (mine DIY one took 11 weeks)

Yes, your marriage will invalidate your will, if it was made before you married. Please see your solicitor asap. Sending you good wishes.

EVERYTHING about this is wrong.

• You are married but do not live together.

-He will not let you into his house without prior notification ("authorisation"?!).

• You visit each other a few times a week, AND he is always late for that, by hours.
• You speak on the PHONE each night, BUT ONLY for a limited time, AND ONLY when he is "ready" for it.
• He's on that affair site (you know damn well it's him and nobody faked his bloody account).
• He constantly tells you that "you have no right" to things that normal married couples openly share.
• His last wife left him for visiting prostitutes.
• He is visiting, re-opening accounts, and even making credit card purchases on escort sites.

This is not a marriage. It's hardly dating, but whatever on earth it is, it's certainly not a marriage! What on earth do either of you get out of this "relationship"?!

Get yourself tested for STDs right now, thank your lucky stars that he withholds sex and you've separate finances, and LTB quick as you can. This is mental.

And, I have to say this: Frankly, he sounds like a serial killer.

He sounds vile and a liar.Leave him and start a new life away from him.

Good luck with your future plans.God bless.

He sounds addicted to it. Get rid.

Wow, that divorce was quick! How things have changed when I was divorced in the early 1970s it took 2 years. I feel things have come full circle, my first husband was abusive, raped me annally just before he threw me and our baby son out. I left that marriage with a very, very bad STD. He used to stay out till 3am every night. Funnily enough, they both have the same first name.
Fortunately, I have had two very happy marriages since then, or I think I would hate men, but I know they are not all alike.

I need to get out this week. I am very hurt and upset, but also very angry. I am feeling so stressed with it all and have anxiety.

Of course you feel awful but that will pass. Dig in and find your strength.
He quite clearly isn't worth anything.

I wonder if you could get an annulment? Don't know the law about it, but this is NOT a marriage!

Oh just checked and you don't fall in the criteria for an annulment.

www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage/when-you-can-annul-a-marriage

OP he sounds awful. If it's been a short marriage and not sold/shared assets so far then you might be ok but please go see a solicitor.

You sound lovely. You deserve better than this misogyny in your life.

And maybe this is over stepping the mark but if you are financially ok and independent then please consider not marrying again.

I am 45, single parent and would never consider marriage purely to protect my assets.

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I told my husband that he will be hearing from my solicitor. Today he rings me up and is messing with my head. He wasn’t angry as I thought he would be, he is trying to talk me round. He is saying his life is in a mess and he knows he has to do something about it. He knows things aren’t right between us but he didn’t know how to approach it. I had a rant then started to weaken. However on the subject of Adultwork, it was just porn he watched, and paid for. Pictures and a video. He hasn’t been on there in some time, I am making scenarios up in my head, and I don’t understand what it is like for men, or how they think. It is all just titillation. He thought it was all sorted when I confronted him before and I had got over it. I pointed out he hadn’t told me the truth about it being an escort site. He still doesn’t get it. Anyway all that made mad, because he is still thinking just the same about it being harmless titillation etc. I am all over the place.

Pile of shite and l think when you get your head straight you will realise this.
what about all the other things withholding affection sex intimacy??
what about not living together and seeing him x 2 weekly??
what about the not allowed to go to his house uninvited??
what about the restricted permissable phone contact??

Please listen to your DC's they are seeing this in RL and not just some strangers on an internet forum.
He is not a nice man

He's following the script. They all do it.

He'll try to win you back by saying how he will change. If you don't give in, he'll try lovebombing you, sending flowers, telling you how much he loves you, how he can't live without you etc.
If you still don't give in, he'll get angry, call you names, tell you no-one else will want you, tell you you're controlling and manipulative, that your head's not right (you're mental).
He'll change history and gaslight you.

Just don't listen to his nonsense and get drawn back in. Block his ways of communicating with you, email, phone, texts. Only contact him via the solicitor, otherwise he'll have your head all over the place.

Good luck, you're doing the right thing, never doubt that.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I think you need to continue to stay strong. The use of escort websites is troubling enough. Porn is one thing, but paying for one on one interaction with another woman (whether it is in person or over the phone/webcam) is cheating as far as I'm concerned. There are plenty of free porn sites out there that are easily accessible. I have friends who have worked in sex work and in porn, and I can assure you no one uses Adultwork to access porn, which I'm sure your gut tells you. There is lots of free 'titillation' out there that's much easier to find than that.

But honestly that isn't what would make me certain this relationship isn't a healthy one and needs to end. It's the house thing. I can't imagine having a relationship with a partner even one that was relatively new and to whom I wasn't married who banned me from 'unauthorised' visits to his home. If you have a loving, trusting relationship, there should be nothing to hide, even in a relationship that is casual where you don't live together. But you are married. Having two homes and needing to sell one is one thing, but it doesn't warrant living separately and it doesn't warrant banning one person from visiting the other. That's not a normal, healthy marriage and I suspect you know that in your heart. You're doing the right thing. Stay strong.