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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

move or stay put?

4 replies

hattyhighlighter · 17/08/2017 21:45

Hi I could do with a sounding board and opinions really. I'm divorced but still living in the former matrimonial home with dcs, have been for nearly a decade. They were little when exh left (for OW) and now teen and preteen. I get maintenance which pays the mortgage (exh is high earner) which would stop if I cohabited. I work P/T but don't earn much.

If I sold up I could buy a small place without a mortgage, so wouldn't be reliant on EA exh and could get away from some of the bad memories I have from stuff which took place when he lived here. BUT the dcs really don't want to move and it is their stability, plus we have got space here.

For me, I feel if I'm honest like its holding me back. But on the other hand I know moving would be stressful, and with the dcs not wanting it and me not having to I'd feel so guilty.
I could do with the MN collective wisdom, I'm single with no other family so you lot can be my family and give me views if you don't mind

OP posts:
springydaffs · 17/08/2017 23:57

What, no replies?? Perhaps everyone is on holiday...

And I'm not really going to reply, either. Ime of being a single parent I almost always caved for the kids. Held me back? Sure! It's in the job title.

I just didn't have the guts to withstand the onslaught over something my kids absolutely, resolutely didn't want to do.

Controlling bastard ex who mucked about with the money. Yep. Did I want to be free of him? Yep. Did I get free before the youngest was 18? Nope.

HeddaGarbled · 18/08/2017 00:19

The maintenance will stop if you cohabit but you aren't proposing to cohabit, just to move house, so surely the maintenance will continue.

Don't move the children away from their schools and friends and don't deprive them of your ex's financial contribution to their housing.

But move.

Properjob · 18/08/2017 00:25

Hmmmm. Just a thought but the more expensive the house, the more equity you will have when you sell, at no cost to you. Hang on there as long as you can manage? Good luck

Shoxfordian · 18/08/2017 07:35

I think you should move as well; although you could wait until your children are older as then they will be old enough to start leaving home. If it's really bothering you to live there though then you should take the decision to move sooner.

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