Hi
My 13 year old daughter has had OCD symptoms since last Autumn (and this is the third time in her life that it has happened - once when she was about 5, then when she was 10, but on both those occasions she "got better" much more quickly than this time, it is now August and nothing has really changed apart from the fact that she is "managing" her symptoms better iyswim).
Her symptoms all center around hygiene - extremely long showers (though she has managed to curb them a bit), she uses almost one bottle of shampoo per shower, extreme toilet paper usage, lots of clean toilet paper in the bin, she often wants clothes that have hardly been washed to go in the machine, no one is really allowed in her bedroom, no one is allowed touch her, she does not sit on the sofa, she has become more withdrawn and spends all her time watching sitcoms, she has lost touch with a very close group of friends from her primary school, her hands used to be cracked and bleeding but she is managing those better as well, though she does wash her hands very carefully and for a long time.
Additionally, at school she has had to drop out of PE for the time being as she was refusing to take part. She hates anything with an element of performance to it - she also hates music and drama, and has been very uncooperative in the music lessons. She was offered the chance not to do music either for the time being, but did not take it, preferring to stay in class but not taking part 
. She is clever and would do very well at the core subjects, but is not reaching her potential. Teachers say that she sits and listens but talks very little (as in re. the subject, asking and answering questions) in class. She tells me that she does all her homework in the library when the others are doing PE, but I am not sure that this is true, and I did have an email from the Maths teacher saying that she is not achieving what she is capable of, and saying that she had had a long time to do a particular piece of work but had not done it. When I asked her about this she said it wasn't true and that she is doing a lot. I think she gets very embarrassed about stuff and then says things which are not strictly true. Anyway, it is not that I am worried about her academic achievement while all the OCD stuff is going on - she has just finished Year 8 so she still has time to settle into what she really likes and hopefully work hard.
Her head of year also told me that she spends break times walking around and around the school building - following a particular circuit again and again, but that she is smiling more than she used to and is friendly with some of the kids in her year.
We got a referral to our local CAMHS through the school as she refused to come to the GP with me, however they discharged her after meeting her once as she said that she is fine and that she does not want to talk about anything. They said that given that the treatment used is CBT, the patient has to actively want to participate, and that she can't be forced to come.
So we/I are left not knowing what to do. I wrote to the Tavistock in London but they said that if our CAMHS had discharged her, they would not be able to take her on, as they operate parallel services. They suggested that I contact the Maudsley who have a dedicated OCD department which I will, but what difference will anything make if dd refuses to acknowledge what is going on or talk about it?
It is very painful to watch her living the shrunken life she is living. At times she is relaxed and happy, but she is often also angry, rude and unreasonable about stuff. And very inflexible. She wanted me to order a particular book for her which I did. I don't remember her saying that the book had to be ordered and not bought in a bookshop but she must have. Anyway, the order was then cancelled by the website, so today, as I was near a big bookshop, I bought the book for her (also thinking that it would be a good change from all the sitcoms she is watching). I brought the book home and she was shouting at me about how she hadn't wanted me to buy it but to order it. That she is going to give me the money for it and then I have to order it. I said no, the copy I brought home is brand new, and that in any case, if I order a copy, it will also come form a bookshop.
So I guess my questions are, if you have or have had OCD, what helped/helps you? How can I help my daughter?
My other question to anyone who might know is regarding autism. Some of the ways in which my daughter reacts to things sometimes make me think that she may be on the so called autistic. Are there links between OCD and autism? I was reading about this and the article suggested that OCD relating to anxiety is a separate issue, whereas obessissive autistic traits are different. But it wouldn't only be the OCD which makes me think that she may have autistic traits.
My H and I are on the brink of divorce and there is complete silence between us that has been going on for months. I am hoping that once the process has been got through (god knows how long this will take or how difficult H may try to make it), dd will feel better without that tension (even if unspoken) in the air. But I think that I am relying on this thought too much, and that tension or no tension, she would probably still be exhibiting the same symptoms.
She is lovely and H and I love her very much.
How can I love her in a way that will make her feel better?If you have had or have OCD, what kind of behaviour from other people helps?
I hope I haven't offended anyone with any of the above.