I need to chill the **** out!

[mellongoose]

Almost OH has this horrible habit of taking his stress out on me. Actually, I don't think it's me specifically but I am obviously there so tend to cop it.

For example I got home from work last night with DD (2). I looked like he was heading out. He is self employed in a sport that used to be his hobby. I asked him whether he was heading out and what time he wanted dinner.

He bit my head off "can't you just leave me alone for five minutes!!!" Well I should have. That's what a normal sensible person would have done.

Instead I got pissed off because of his lack of respect. I bit. That was it and we fell out.

We will get over it but I really need some tips on how to be less sensitive when he's in a mood. It's like he thinks I'm not doing anything! I get really cross. How do you ignore and move past it without feeling like he can say what he likes to me just because he's stressed. We all get stressed!!

Sorry. Long!

He sounds really nasty
Is he always that moody?

Yeah - you just need to put up with him being a cunt cos it's all your fault

He's the one that should be posting for advice on changing his behaviour.

You asked when he wanted dinner and that was his reply? It's not you who has a problem

I agree! But for an easy life what is the best way to diffuse the situation whilst keeping my dignity in tact. Then I can challenge him on it later when we are both calm.

Surely this would be possible?!

Why do you think that your job is to defuse the situation?

Sorry but your real job here is to get out of this shitty relationship. He sounds like he hates you tbh. Why are you with him?

Don't ask for tips on how to manage him

Ask us how to get shut of him

The best way for an easy life and to chill the fuck out is to LTB. He sounds vile.

Is this a reverse?

He sounds like a wanker.

I would probably tell him to go fuck himself. Why exactly is it easier to be his verbal punch bag than to tell him he's out of line?

But surely everyone gets stressed at some point and snaps. I expect someone to speak to me with respect and when it doesn't happen I get really cross.

He's nice most of the time, I promise! It's just those flash points. One of us has to behave better and I'm asking how i can do it!

Please don't rip him apart.

Yeah everyone gets stressed but not everyone is horrible to their partner because of it

I don't think you're the one who has to behave better

OP, would you consider going on a marriage course? DH and I went on one a few years ago and it helped us to improve our communication and how to manage conflicts between us.

Well I guess I'd say make your own dinner then in future dick head. That would make me feel a lot better!

Thanks irritated. That's kind of what I did but then I couldn't walk away. I was like this posessed thing demanding an apology .

If he snaps at you, you've already fallen out. He did it, not you. If you find ways of 'managing' him he'll snap at pettier and pettier stuff until you're basically apologising for breathing.

My friend used to say 'keep talking to me like that and watch what happens dipshit' to her DP, he knew that by the time he came home anything nice she would do for him would not happen for a week, if he's in a mood these days he keeps it to himself or brings it up respectfully

Has he always been this way or has something precipitated it?

My immediate response would have been that he made his own meals in future and that I didn't appreciate the tone

No-one has ever spoken to me like that, no matter how stressed.

I have DC, work full time, no family here, I know stress like the back of my hand so it's not like there hasn't been opportunity for falling out over stressed responses.

Tbh I would have no common ground with someone who'd talk to anyone like that. They'd be on their own

People who do this don't deserve loving partners and families

you need to sit down and you need to have a talk. Maybe he's stressed at work and would like to discuss it, you can say how you feel annoyed when he takes his moods out on you.

OK honestly? I do tend to do nothing but smile and wave when a partner first gets home as I have had days where I've only just made it inside the door before collapsing or breaking something. They're on their agenda, you're on yours, give it a minute before you try to merge them into one.

When you are both OK try talking about a general principle that you both aim to greet each other pleasantly before anything else. This would also cut out snapping.

It's definitely work related. He has two businesses and they are both full on at the mo. He's up his own arse temporarily and when that happens this happens.

His mum put up with this trait from his dad, him and his brother. She says just to ignore him. But I can't. It never happened in our house growing up. My mum and dad rowed occasionally but they were always respectful.

It's a personality clash. Which is a shame because the rest is good.

Just have a word, or maybe say "don't speak to me like that" when he does it.

It's not a personality clash and I feel dreadfully sorry for his poor mother whose had to live with 3 abusive dickheads.